Pesky POV Problems & CURES

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WRESTLING with WRITING

Getting the Frikkin Story on PAPER!

Okay, you have your characters set up and, you have your plot outlined. It's time to put the words on paper.

ACTION!

All Actions MUST happen in Chronological order.
The only way to write down any event in your story is in Chronological order. Seriously.
- Like this:

1. Something happened.
2. The POV Character's immediate physical reaction. (jump, scream, flinch, duck, gasp)
3. What the POV Character sensed. (saw, heard, smelled, tasted, felt)
4. The POV Character's Emotional reaction / introspection. (happy, sad, pissed, horny)
5. How the POV Character responded. (dialogue, action)
6. What happened next.

In that specific order. Every single time. Every single sentence.  

You can skip steps - but you cannot change the order without muddying the visuals for the reader.

More on Action?
Go To: Writing SEX Action - Technique & Structure

POV = ATTITUDE + ACTION

When you are in tight POV, everything the character sees and experienced should be flavored with that character’s Attitude.

If Oscar the Grouch is looking at a bed of roses, what is going through his head is not going to resemble what would be going through Big Bird’s head. If you are in Oscar’s POV, the way you would write the description of those roses would reflect how he saw them.

Attitude Alone (AKA - Internal Narration):

Oscar could not believe that someone had the gall to drop his comfy garbage can in the middle of a disgustingly bright mound of flowers. At least they were roses. He could almost stand something that closely resembled a heaped snarl of barbed wire, if it weren’t for those eye-searing explosions of hideous pink. To make matters worse their stench was overwhelmingly sweet. He just knew that it was going to take a whole week to get the smell out of his can. He seriously considered heaving, just to have something more comforting to smell.

Boring. NOTHING is happening.

BUT – Oscar would not sit there and Contemplate the roses, he would curl his lip and say something snotty.

Attitude + ACTION:

Oscar the Grouch popped out of his trash can. Serrated green leaves waved among slender and barbed branches around the mouth of his home. He gasped in horror. “What is this disgusting mess?”

He leaned out and looked around in disbelief. "Oh ugh, I'm surrounded. Somebody put my trash can in a revolting pile of... What are these? Roses?” He could almost stand something that closely resembled a heaped snarl of barbed wire, if it weren’t for those eye-searing explosions of hideous color. He curled his lip. “Pink, I hate pink.”

To make matters worse their stench was overwhelmingly sweet. “Oh, eww…the smell!" He slapped a fuzzy green hand over his fuzzy green nose. "It’s gonna take me a week to get that out’ta my can!” He felt his gorge rising. “I think I’m going to be sick. At least it’ll smell better.”

Not quite so boring this time.


Add some DESCRIPTION please?!
Go To: I want to SEE the Story-Damn it! ~ a RANT!
Go To: What's the Difference between SHOWING & TELLING?"

GRAMMAR Details

Separate each character’s actions.
The actions and dialogue of one character DO NOT belong in the Same Paragraph as another character's actions and dialogue - EVER!
 

The actions and dialogue of one character Do Not Overlap the actions and dialogue of another character in the Same Paragraph or visuals become muddied. It may look choppy on the page, but the reader has absolutely no doubt as to who is doing what.

The Reader's perceptions are more important than whether or not your type looks tidy.

A character's Dialogue stays WITH their Actions
- in the Same Paragraph!
 

It’s a cold and lonely world. Your dialogue should always be in the same paragraph as its corresponding actions; it shouldn’t be abandoned. You make a new paragraph for the NEXT character’s actions and dialogue.

(Where did that "abandoned dialogue" idea come from anyway? Does anyone know?)

Dialogue Tags - SUCK.
When you have an action with a line of dialogue

 – you DO NOT NEED DIALOGUE TAGS - AT ALL!
 

You already know, through the action, who is speaking. Dialogue tags are only ever needed when you don’t have any other way of identifying the speaker. If you have no other way of knowing who is speaking than dialogue tags, then you have committed the heinous crime of:

DIALOGUE IN A VACUUM
- also known as “talking heads syndrome”.
 

A book with nothing but reams of dialogue marked only by dialogue tags means that there is no action going on, there is no Picture. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. The mental movie has stopped and only the sound-track is playing in a vacuum, like a Radio Show with no sound effects. I don’t know about you, but when I go to read a book, I want to SEE what I'm reading like a movie, not listen to a radio show.

Action and body-language tags on dialogue are NOT just there for decoration.
 

Action tags keep the mental Movie rolling and the MEANING of what is being said crystal clear. A small simple action can tell you right away what's going through the speaker's head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. “I love you too.”
She dropped her chin and pouted. “I love you too.”
She glared straight at him. “I love you too.”
“I love you too.” She turned away and wiped the tear from her cheek.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dead give-away that dialogue is happening in a vacuum?
Look for dialogue tags, the word: SAID or any of its cousins: Spoke, Asked, Stated...etc.

Dialogue tags are a pet peeve of mine. I don’t use them. Ever.
Go To: Don't Need No Stinking "SAID" - a RANT!

Making Story HAPPEN

The fastest way to Start a story is...
– NOT at the Beginning.
 

Start your story within one page of Boy meets Girl (or Hero meets Trouble), with the story already in progress.

Don't bother with Back-story, also known as Info-Dumping. Use Dialogue to slip in clues to the characters' back-story and hints of what's going on in the world around them -- in the middle of all the action. This forces the reader to become an eavesdropper who MUST read on to find out: "What the heck is Really going on?"

The less you tell the readers, the more they'll want to read further to find out what's really happening. Make the reader WORK to discover why this vampire hunted this particular girl down, and why she isn’t running in screaming terror. Don’t give away the goodies until the reader is committed to your characters.

The saggy Middle...
- Is where the story’s REVERSAL goes.
 

Once you get to the middle, it's time for the Worst Case Scenario! The Middle is where Everything goes Terribly Wrong and the characters scramble to fix it, making everything WORSE.

Then comes the lowest point of the book, where they can’t possibly go any further. “We’re dead, we’re dead, we’re dead!” And then the Hero tries one last desperate thing…

Keep your Plot a SECRET until the bitter End!
- NEVER reveal ANYTHING until the Last Possible Moment!
 

The Easiest way to hide your plot -- and all your other shocking secrets, is by staying in ONE Point Of View (POV), rather than hopping from head to head.

When the main character - the POV character - is the ONLY character telling their thoughts to the reader, it's really easy to make the reader think one thing when in fact it's another!

(I don't care what other authors do, if you want to keep your plot a secret, you Don't put your readers in the heads of the characters plotting against your main POV character.)

The Final Battle!
- Shouldn’t be a total Win or a total Lose.
 

Winning should come with a cost, and Losing should come with an unexpected bonus. For some odd and unexplainable reason, a total triumph seems to be just as unsatisfying to the modern day reader as a total: “He dies, she dies, everybody dies…” Bittersweet seems to be the preferred flavor for an ending.

(I have no idea WHY the majority of my readers seem to prefer a balance of good and bad, but I do have the hate-mail to prove it.)

Where to End it?
- Where you began – back at square one.
 

Make the story a nice tidy loop. This tells the reader: “The next story is about to begin!”

• Sam Spade always ends up back in his office, ready to begin his next job.
• Alice comes back out of her rabbit hole – of course she’s being chased, but hey…!
• King Arthur sailed off in a tiny ship on the lake where he gained Excalibur, and his career as King began -- but he wasn’t dead. He could have come back. (Okay, so he didn’t come back -- but He COULD Have!)
• Even the classic Romances that end with a wedding party imply a new beginning.

What Don't I need in a Story?
- Only put in as much work as you Need To.
 

Think: SLACKER. 

 

The trick to knowing what to include in a story is whether or not you intend to actively USE it. If the character trait or object does not matter to the plot – skip it. If it doesn’t actively MOVE the Plot, (even a teeny bit,) you don’t need to use it -- or describe it.

The shorter the story the LESS room you have to work with, so the only details you need are what actually Changes the Plot. The same goes for character details. If the fact that your Hero's brother likes soccer a whole lot has no bearing on the plot, you don’t need to mention it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's the Quick and Dirty version of how to Write a Story. If you want more details, I want begging and pleading. And make it GOOD.

Morgan Hawke
www.dakerotica.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to SEE the Story, Damn it! ~ A RANT! ~Put DESCRIPTION in your Fiction!

How would you write what is happening in this picture?
 

How would you convey the actions?
- The characters?
- The setting?
- The mood?
(Go ahead and jot something down.)

WARNING! INCOMING RANT!!!

I want to SEE the Story ~ Damn it!!!

 

Frustration is a BAD thing to generate in your readers. Books that frustrate; poor grammar, limp dialogue, wishy-washy action, weak description, over-blown description...etc. are tossed against a wall. 

 

The technical term is: Wall-Banger.

My BIGGEST Pet Peeve:
Description-less Fiction.

 

I utterly loathe reading a book where everything happens in a colorless vacuum. You don't know where they are, you don't know what they're doing, you don't know what the Characters look like! I despise a book where I can’t see anything, or worse can see only bits of what's going on.

How the heck am I supposed to imagine the scene like a movie in my head without knowing what stuff looks like?

In far too many Erotic Romance books it's worse. The sex is detailed but the rest of the story is barely sketched out. If they’re gonna go into that much detail in the sex they should do the same for the rest of the damned story!

For example, you get a nice juicy sex scene and some sprightly dialogue but then you get:

‘…she went into the kitchen and got a glass of water.’

Then the dialogue starts back up again without bothering to even mention that she came out of the damned kitchen! WITHOUT a SCENE BREAK! Right in the middle of the damned paragraph without skipping a beat! Hell, it's done right in the middle of the damned dialogue!

It's just ASSUMED that reader KNOWS that she’s not in the kitchen any more. Then once you figure out: "Oh wait, she's NOT in the kitchen any more...!" You have to GUESS how she did it!

HELLO!!!
If you have to GUESS How the character got
From position A ~ To position B
You've been TOLD - Not SHOWN.

SHOW ME - Damn It!

 

By the time I got to the end of that book, I knew she had a living room, a bedroom and a kitchen, but I still didn't know if she lived in a House a Condo or an Apartment! And I didn't know what was in her house other than a couch in the living room and a bed in the bedroom! 

 

I read it because the sex-scenes were good, but there was No Other Reason to read the damned book.

It was obvious from the sex scenes that the author knew how to write descriptive details, but it was like she decided to be lazy! That it didn't matter as long as the sex was good. 

 

Well, she was WRONG, and damn it, I felt CHEATED!

 

Sid from Toy Story

 

No Description = No CHARACTER!

 

When you were a kid, the first thing you did with a new friend was check out their bedroom.

Why?

Think a minute, seriously. Why did you want to check out the other kid's room?

To see what kinds of cool toys they had sure, but also, to find out what kind of kid you were playing with. The kinds of toys and pictures in their room told you what kind of personality they had, it gave away their base character.

In the movie Toy Story, think about the room the kid Sid had. 

 

How much of Sid's character was in his bedroom?
 

ALL OF IT.

Now, why would anyone leave such a gold-mine of character information --their Home, their Clothes, their Stuff-- out of the story?

I dunno, but it happens all the damned time.

There is way, way too much Telling instead of Showing going on in the fiction I’m reading.

 

Too many stories read like a TV show with the picture too snowy to see anything clearly. Where the heck are they? What are they doing? How are they doing it? Gimme some Details! Gimme some color and textures! Some sounds! Some flavors! Some aromas!

Gimme some DESCRIPTION! 

But...! But...! But...!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Descriptive detail, like any other element of fiction, should be present ONLY to develop character or advance plot. Too much leads to excessive wordiness, which in turn kills the pacing. It's not necessary to include details the reader can be expected to assume because they are normal life events. So, someone going to the kitchen to get a glass of water would be expected to return when she was finished, and that information isn't necessary. If the next part is dialogue between hero and heroine, her return is simply accepted."
-- A well-meaning and very nice editor.

Bullshit.
 

If she went to the kitchen in the fist place it SHOULD BE forwarding the plot. If getting that glass of water isn't an element of either "what has happened", "what is happening" or "what will happen" - she should have never gone into the kitchen. BUT if that glass of water is important, so is her trip to the kitchen to get it. Therefore, it should be SHOWN instead of TOLD.

ANYTHING that isn’t necessary to tell the story
DOESN'T BELONG in the story!
If it CAN be pulled out - it SHOULD be pulled out.

If it's Important enough to be Mentioned
It's Important enough to be DETAILED.

Harrumph!

Now, on to how to FIX this insidious problem.

 

"A picture is worth a thousand words."

 

Unless you are writing kiddie books, you Don't Have a picture beyond the book cover, you have only Words to illustrate your story. 

 

USE those Freaking Words! You don't need the whole thousand words to give me the picture, but SOME would be nice. Damn it!

If you want to write Fiction with clarity, VISUALIZE what is happening in your head. Play the scene out in your imagination and view it, just like a movie. If it shows up in your mind's eye - it belongs on the page. Okay?

Descriptive ASSUMPTIONS.

 

Normally, description-less fiction is Not what the writer intended. Usually it's a case of Oversight, an Assumption. The writer saw the scene in their head and jotted down a few cues that would trigger the picture that they envisioned, and ASSUMED everyone reading those phrases would see what they saw. 

 

Guess what? They DIDN'T.

The Reader always sees what THEY want to see
- unless you SHOW them something else.

• They fucked, and it was glorious.

 

I can guarantee that no two readers (or writers) saw what I envisioned when I wrote those words.

The Writer's job is to SHOW the fucking and Convince the reader that it was glorious without actually Telling them. You have to Seduce the reader into getting all hot and bothered, so they come out of the book thinking; "Wow that turned me on so much... It must have been glorious!"

You Don't need blocks of descriptive text to get your point across, but the reader Cannot See what the writer is trying to show them --pictures or feelings-- without descriptive cues, preferably Sneaky descriptive cues.

Yes, I said Sneaky, and I'll say it again:

SNEAKY Descriptive Cues.

No one likes to be pummeled. We prefer to be, enticed, tempted and seduced - not assaulted. A handful of well-placed descriptive words sprinkled here and there, really enriches an otherwise blank blue-screen imagination -- without beating the reader over the head.

The Tricks to
Tight SNEAKY Description 

Avoid Simple Words:
 

The door, the car, the tree, the house... Write instead: The French doors, the Subaru, the oak, the Victorian cottage. See how using a Specific Noun automatically pops in description?

Adjectives are your Friend!
 

Adjectives give your objects and locations emotional flavor and impact. The trick is not to over-do it! Moderation - moderation - moderation.

One adjective per Noun:

In addition to a specific Noun. The ornate French tapestry, the rusty Subaru, the yellow Victorian cottage.

Two adjectives per Sensation:

Sight, Sound, Taste, Texture, Scent - are all perceived through the senses. The glaringly red French doors, the seductively throbbing jazz, the creamy bite of yogurt, the nubby white dishcloth, the pungent musk of wet dog.

The Not-So Dreaded -ly Words.

 

Every once in a while you will hear someone whine that "you shouldn't use words that end in -ly". The "No -ly words!" whiners are usually the same people that say: "Don't use Adjectives!" Think People! How the heck are you supposed to describe something without adjectives? You CAN'T.

The "No -ly Words" rule does not apply to Fiction.

 

This rule comes from Basic School Grammar; grammar that was intended for NON-fiction, such as Reports and other boring description-less, education-related, or business-related writing. On the other hand, Fiction THRIVES on description!

Still Feeling Guilty?
 

If you can find another word that says the same thing without ending in -ly, use it. If you can't, then use what you have and DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Making the Reader FEEL the Passion.

Sensually-Descriptive & Erotically-charged Words
- The key to EROTICA and Romance.

 

If the words you choose implies a Physical Sense - sound, flavor, color, texture, aroma - you're halfway there!

So, where do you get the rest of them there what's-it words? From Trained Professionals: Other Writers.

I pulled out my favorite trashy novels and hunted down phrases that really caught my attention, and then I made a list.

salacious humor
carnal gratification
languorous bliss
shrieking culmination
disconcerting stimulation
brutal carnal rapture
exquisite torment
lustful cravings
irresolute yearning
skittish laughter

I also dug through my thesaurus and made another list of all the adjectives I use over and over and over...

MY Erotic Thesaurus

Okay you got your words! Now...

How & Where do you PUT all that stuff?

Rule of thumb:

The moment the character lays eyes on it DESCRIBE IT! 

Picture the scene in your head like a movie. If it shows up in your scene - it belongs on the page.

OTHER Rule of Thumb:

Description should always reflect the opinion of the viewpoint character.

Oscar the Grouch is not going to see - or describe - a field of roses the same way as Big Bird.

People
 

People get three whole sentences max. If you need more than that, thread the rest in with the dialogue. Think of how you see characters in a movie. THAT'S how you describe the people your character sees. 

 

Start at the top and describe down. Bottom to Top description implies that the brain and personality is of no importance, only the body. Guys checking out a girl when they're looking for a fuck look at her from bottom to top.

Scene Changes
 

Every new scene should open with a snapshot of description that details the stage the action is about to happen in. No more than 60 words max. If you need more than that to describe your setting - splice it into your Action.

Fantasy and Sci-Fi require more description.

 

Preferably rich and detailed - because in Fantasy and Sci-Fi, the Setting is just as important as Character and Action. The snapshot at the beginning of every scene is still the same length (60 words) - but you have to continue to add more description as the characters move through the world.

Location Changes
 

Every time the scenery changes: every new room, every new view, every new place they arrive at - gets described; so the reader can see it, and experience it too. New locations get 30 words max, because that's about how much the average person can catch in a single look. The rest of the details should be mixed in between the actions and dialogue as the character gets a better look around.

Describing the Viewpoint Character - Yes or No?

 
YES - DAMN IT! I wanna know who's head I'm in - as Soon as I'm in that head!

Viewpoint Characters only get three sentences just like any other person in the story. NO MIRRORS! Mirrors have been done to death. There are lots of ways to describe your viewpoint charater without resorting to a MIRROR - Use one. Not sure how to do it? Go get your favorite books and highlight the sections where the viewpoint character is described. Figure out how they did it, and do that.

DESCRIPTION

NOT just for pretty Pictures.

WARNING! ~ Missing descriptive cues can cause: Author Angst!

 
Once upon a time, when I was a beginning writer of smut, I wrote what I thought was a kick ass, totally serious, "World of Grim Darkness" werewolf erotica. I had a right to think the story kicked ass. I got a lot of messages telling me so.

Then, one day...

I got a lovely letter gushing on how much they liked my story. It was so funny! They went into detail explaining exactly how pleased they were, and how witty my story was in so many places - but I hadn't ended it right. Where was the punch line?

The PUNCH LINE???

Yes, fellow writers, my serious "World of Grim Darkness" werewolf erotica had been completely misinterpreted as an erotic Comedy!

Talk about your total author disillusionment.

This misinterpretation happened because I had written strong sarcastic dialogue, a trademark in all my stories, but I had left too many other cues out. It was not apparent at all to this reader that my characters were speaking sarcastically - counter to their true feelings.

I didn't have enough of the POV character's feelings displayed through inner dialogue and body-language cues for the reader to pick up what I was really trying to show.

According to my current fan letters, I Don't make that mistake any more.

DESCRIPTION.
- It really is the Only way to get what you envision across to the reader.

TEST TIME!!!
- Now - how would you describe that picture at the top of the page? Can you make me FEEL the Passion?


Morgan Hawke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Active Voice - the Voice of God

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