Showing posts with label Romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romance. Show all posts

Friday, September 10, 2021

When & How to SMUT

 


When & How to SMUT
DISCLAIMER: As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.
Less competition for me. :)

----- Original Message -----
I'd like to know how some smut writers write their smut, ...how smutty our smut should be, [and] places to put smut where it [won't] obstruct the actual plot. I also just want more smut to read...
-- Looking for Good Smut --

 
Before one Smuts...​
 
The first thing one needs to know about writing smut is The Law of Erotic Fiction:​
 

If you can take the Smut out of the Smut Story
and still have a viable story,​

You did it WRONG.


This was derived from Issac Azimov's Law of Science Fiction:​ 
"If you can take the Science out of the Science Fiction and still have a viable story, you did it WRONG."​
This Law is true for every genre of fiction, but especially true for Smut Fiction.

The point being; in order to write smut that won't obstruct the plot--​
 
One creates a Plot
specifically for the Smut.
 
 
WARNING! Incoming Rant!​

Do Not add Smut to an already existing story!​

If you already have a viable story, adding smut just to get readers to look at your work is known as Pandering. This happens most often when a writer gets impatient for views, or sales, and resorts to adding smut to their work in hope of catching the attention of somebody, anybody who will look at their work.​
If you have a half-way decent story, Pandering is the worst thing you can do to your work because it is a Dead End trick. Adding smut content to a story that was not originally designed to have smut content destroys character cohesion and creates massive plot holes almost instantly. In short, it destroys whatever integrity that story might have had.​
Pandering is a cheap trick no reader appreciates, especially readers who already know what good smut fiction looks like.​
If you think your readers won't notice you cheating them out of a properly plotted smut story, you are Very Wrong, and your readers will let you know in ugly ways.​
/Rant.​

Now that I've gotten that off my ample chest...
Accidents Do Happen.​
 
Sometimes writers will write stories that start out as legitimate smut, but the characters get carried away and the plot shifts focus to something that isn't smut -- turning their smut story into something completely different.​ 

How can you tell if a Smut Story has changed?​ 

Here's a test:
-- If you can substitute all the smut scenes with Kissing scenes, your plot has probably shifted into something else -- and that something else is what your story should be.​ 

What to do about this?​

First, figure out what your story's new focus is. Is it a fascinating Mystery, a rollicking Adventure, a tender Romance, intriguing Magic...? Next, take out all your lovely smut, save those scenes in another file to use in a different story, put kissing scenes in those gaping plot holes then finish your story.

What about just...jamming Smut in there anyway?​ 

NO! Absolutely Not. All that will do is ruin a perfectly viable story. All you can do is finish that story then try again with a new story -- hopefully with the smut properly integrated into the plotline.​ 

How do you Write a Story for Smut?!​

Before one writes a single word of the story you plan to have smut in, one needs to know that there are major differences between a basic smut story (Erotica), a smut Adventure story, (Adult Pulp Fiction and Erotic Romance,) a story with with love scenes, (common Romance,) and rape fics, (Bodice Rippers.)

Each of those types of stories all have different Plot Structures where the smut serves a difference purpose.


Erotica:
-- Smut IS the Plot.


Erotica stories tend to be short because their plot is literally; They met. They had sex. What happened after.

This sort of story is easily --and quickly-- written because the writer merely needs to come up with a smut scene, then figure out how the characters met to have smut, then what happened after they had smut.

They saw.
They conquered.
They came.
~ The End.


Adult Pulp Fiction/Erotic Romances:
-- Because the MC needed Smut, Plot Happened.


Believe it or not, Pulp Fiction and Erotic Romances are pretty much the same thing -- an Adult Grand Adventure. The only real difference between them are their target reading audiences. Pulp Fiction is generally aimed at male readers, where Erotic Romance, despite the misleading genre title, are aimed at the female reading audience.

The writer's job is to find a reason for their main characters to Need that Smut to Happen, then expand on how every time they succeed in getting it on, their actions complicate their grand adventure.

The beautiful Omega deliberately seduced the rampaging Alpha to allow the others to escape.

In female oriented Erotic Romance, and BL novels, smut also actively demonstrates the level of emotional intimacy the couple has reached, especially after a traumatic event.

The more poorly written Pulp Fictions however, tend to use a Reward system.

After something happens, the main characters indulge in smut.

-- The main character does something Dangerous; a rescue, an escape, a heist, a fierce battle, and they are rewarded with smut. (Ian Fleming, I am looking at you!)

This is a cheap-assed, bargain bin version of the cliché 'Boy gets the Girl as a Prize for doing something Brave' plot. This cliché is older than the earliest fairy tales and twice as used. Think: cave-man.

If you are aiming strictly for the Male reading audience, go for it! They'll appreciate it enthusiastically.

However, I as an author and a female reader, despise it. In fact most female readers intensely dislike that cliché.

Why?

It's demeaning.

If a guy does something life-threatening for my sake such as a rescue, I might reward them with a hug, or a kiss on the cheek, or money, but never smut. Not unless I was already in a sexual relationship with them.

The only type of person that will reward a guy with smut when they are Not already in a relationship with them, is either:

  1. A woman being forced to do so. In which case he better Not accept that reward or he will lose all respect from every female reading his story...!

  2. Or a woman looking for a sucker to use. This kind of person will also toss him away the instant they find someone stronger, richer, and more powerful. This kind of person is known as a Skank and females Hate them. We certainly don't want to read about them unless they come to nasty, nasty ends.


Romance:
-- Falling in Love leads to Smut.


Many, many Romances have smut, but most of them don't really need it. This is because what drives the plot in a Romance story isn't Physical Love. The plot's focus is Emotional Love, and emotions are what make the story happen -- and need the most detailing.

However, if you truly want smut in your Romance story, to do it properly each progressive love scene should demonstrate the increasing level of Affection and Trust --the increasing level of love-- between your main characters.


Bodice Rippers:
-- The classic rape fic where the victim falls in love with their rapist. AKA: Stockholm Syndrome.


Before we get into how to write one of these, the writer needs to know two things:

Number One: American female readers tend to HATE rape fics --this includes M/M rape fics-- with a burning passion, unless that story ends with a gruesome revenge scene that the rapist does not survive.

Bodice Ripper novels went out of fashion in the USA in the mid 80's because of a massive cultural shift in the USA where 'having sex' and 'enjoying sex' were no longer considered shameful -- something Nice Girls didn't do until after marriage.

Ahem... The authors no longer needed the excuse of a forced seduction to get their Nice Girl characters into bed with their male leads.


Number Two: Over 80% of the English reading --and book-buying-- audience is Female.
So, if your English rape fic, or English translated rape fic, has a low reader count, now you know why. It's because the largest denomination of English readers --females-- won't read that type of work.

On the other hand...!

If you are targeting male readers this type of story will definitely appeal to them because rape is a very common male stroke fantasy.

Ahem! Please note the term Fantasy. Just because someone fantasizes about something does not mean they have any desire to do such things in real life. 
 
For example, Stephen King fantasizes about gruesome murders all the time -- he even writes them down so other people can fantasize about them too! However, he has never harmed anyone in real life.​

The key to writing Bodice Rippers successfully is to have some kind of smut content in every chapter (every 2,500 words minimum,) even if it's just peeping at naked flesh.

However, there should still be a decent excuse for every bit of smut to happen! It doesn't have to be a good excuse, just enough of one to move the story to the next scene.

Detailing smut however, is optional with smut scenes only being a paragraph or three in length. This is because while male readers prefer detailed descriptions of the characters participating in smut -- female and male-- they prefer to use their imaginations to detail the action.


The Bodice Ripper is the core of the Oriental Harem story.
 
In order to write a harem fic longer than 10,000 words (two to four chapters,) one needs more Targets to fill out that word count.

To make a basic Harem Fic, start by sketching out as many targets for your main character to seduce as possible. Seriously, make a list with names, cliché character typecasting, and base descriptions. Change targets every 20,000 (20k) words with a new location and a fresh excuse to have smut.

How do you End a Harem Fic?​

-- No idea. From what I've seen so far, the story keeps going until the Main Character dies.


How Descriptive 
should the Smut Scenes be?

This depends on your target reading audience.

Female readers want descriptive details of everything -- inside and out!​

The people, the places, the action, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, the colors, the textures... Female readers want to see each scene clearly in their minds better than in a movie. They want to experience it all; mentally, physically, emotionally. They want to be those characters and live their lives from inside their skins.

Smut scenes range between 2,500 words to 10,000 words per scene.

However there is a limit to how much one should describe!​
  • Good example of descriptive writing
    Laurell K Hamilton's early Anita Blake books. Her later books completely lost the plot.​
     
  • Bad example
    JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series. He was writing a travelogue and it shows. His Hobbit is much better, but still crammed with travelogue details.​
Male readers prefer the Characters and Action Scenes as lovingly detailed as the Silver Screen.​

They want to see the participants and players in full technicolor in their imaginations; skin tones, hair color, eye color, the exact softness of skin, fragrances fair and foul, descriptions of body types, and exactly how a bosom fits in the character's palm. 

They like the messy details too; the slap of skin and the squelch of wet flesh, musky damp scents, and the taste of sweaty skin.

Location changes, scenery changes, fight scenes and other daring-do scenes should also be as detailed as a movie scene.

The emotional aspects can be skipped almost entirely -- unless Revenge is involved. Apparently Hate, Rage, Anger, and Frustration are allowable emotions for the main protagonist to wallow in. 

Love and affection are emotions they succumb to -- after fighting long and hard against them.

Everything else can be somewhat vague, including the smut.

Average Smut scene: 500 to 1000 words.

If you want to detail out the smut to 5000 words or more, your male readers will definitely enjoy it, but a couple paragraphs of a rough outline of what happened works too. This is because males like to add in their own little details and dialogue while they're fapping to smut.​
  • Good Example of descriptive writing male readers appreciate: Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series.​
  • Bad Example: Ian Fleming's James Bond series. Each female lead and all the action is lovingly detailed, but the smut scenes are barely a paragraph in length and described very poorly. I was so disappointed.​
     
     

How much Smut...?

 
This depends on the type of story one is writing.

However...! Before we go into detail about how much Smut each type of story generally has, my definition of Smut needs to be addressed.

To many writers, Smut = Sex. My definition is a lot more broad. 
 
As far as I'm concerned, Smut is anything sexual at all; from smoldering eye contact, to a squeeze of the butt cheek, to full on intercourse. I do however, define a Smut Scene as a scene were sex happens. Okay?

Okay. 
 
Now...​ 
 

How much Smut
should go in each type of Smut Story?
 

Erotica:
  • Smut Scenes: One per 5000 (5k) words.​
  • How Smutty: Extremely detailed.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Yes, please! Limited to what is legal to publish. Generally no scat, no bestiality, no watersports.​
​Euphemistic language to start with, increasingly hardcore adult language until the peak of climax for best effect. C-word used sparingly and only as a compliment. F-bombs perfectly okay.​

Erotic tension begins with the opening line of the story and every word of description should add to that tension. The moment the two main characters make eye contact Lust smolders into being and every word after that should be erotically charged until the very last line.

Keep in mind, most Erotica is short; 5000 (5k) words to 20,000 (20k) words at most. It is agonizingly difficult to keep up the sexual tension beyond 20k without changing participants. It CAN be done, but it is not easy.
WARNING! Female readers Do Not like reading stories where the main character changes partners. Females consider that Cheating -- unless the story ends in a threesome relationship with all three participants sleeping with each other.​


Adult Pulp Fiction/Erotic Romance:
  • Smut Scenes: Eight to fifteen per 100,000 (100k) words.​
  • How Smutty: Hardcore detailed.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Limited to what is legal to publish. No scat, no bestiality, no watersports.​
​Common language with increasingly hardcore adult language during moments of Danger. Also during rising sexual tension until the peak of climax. C-word used only as a compliment. F-bombs perfectly okay.​

Because these stories are in fact cross-genres of Adventure and Romance, it is much easier to keep the erotic tension going between exclusive partners by balancing it with danger and suspense. 
 
Think in terms of a roller-coaster ride with the high peaks being Smut, the deep drops being Danger, and the sharps curves being Suspense.


Romances:
  • Smut Scenes: Three to five per 100,000 (100k) words.​
  • How Smutty: Detailed enough to know who is doing what, but through rose-colored glasses.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Only what is acceptable by housewives and high school girls. (Mild bondage, no pain!)​
​Romantic and euphemistic language with only mildly coarse adult language during moments of danger. Also during rising sexual tension until the peak of climax. F-bombs only while in extreme danger and at the peak of climax. C-word is right out.​

Be sure to detail the internal dialogue and emotional angst of your POV character.

Best written from ONE POV only! 
(Especially if the writer is a Beginner.)​

The idea is to keep the readers guessing as to how the Romantic Interest really feels. Using the Romantic Interest's POV even once removes all romantic suspense and gives away the Ending! This is BAD because once the readers know how the story will end, they no longer have a reason to keep reading your story.


Bodice Ripper / Harem story
  • Smut Scenes: Some kind of smut content from mild to hardcore every chapter.​
  • How Smutty: Hardcore detailed. Change targets every 50,000 (50k) words with a new location and a new plot twist to give you a fresh excuse to have smut.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Limited to what is legal to publish. No scat, no bestiality, no watersports.​
Common language with increasingly hardcore adult language during moments of danger. Also during rising sexual tension until the peak of climax. C-word okay. F-bombs okay.​
WARNING! Make sure you know your Reading Audience! 
American female readers Do Not respond well to smut-shaming scenes and may get vicious about them.​


Oddly enough, the Bodice Ripper/Harem Tale is a cross-genre of Adventure and Erotica. Keeping the erotic tension is done by changing partners plus moments danger and suspense. In fact, the easiest way is by changing partners during moments of danger and suspense.

Just don't completely abandon the previous partners, especially if they've married the harem master! Doing that will create a plot hole your readers will crucify you for in the comments.

To avoid that sort of problem, give each successive partner their own individual problem the main character needs to assist them with. That partner's story concludes when the problem is fixed and the main character moves on, leaving a happy and thoroughly satisfied ex-partner behind.

The light novel series Vampire Hunter D uses this formula for each individual book.​
Everywhere he goes, D meets a new partner with a vampire problem. Once he fixes their problems and kills the local vampire, he leaves them behind happy and satisfied.​

In Conclusion...​

So, how do smut writers write their smut?
-- With loving descriptions and careful attention to detail.

How smutty should the smut be?
-- Enough to actually get one's target reading audience tight and tingly in their britches.

Where should one put the smut, so it won't obstruct the actual plot?
-- Where it belongs; as an important mover and shaker of the plot all by itself.

I hope this proves helpful.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Where do you put Character Flaws?

-----Original Message -----
Characters have to have flaws, but sometimes it's a bit hard to add those flaws in.
 -- Concerned About Characters
First of all...
What is a character Flaw?

Well, a character's Flaw is a crack in their personality and/or talent. Something that both helps them AND harms them. Kind of the way true artists (and brilliant nerds) tend to also be serious flakes, and really socially awkward. 'K?

Now then...

Where do you Put a Character's Flaws?

A character's greatest strength should appear in the first scene that character occupies. The character's Flaw makes its first appearance at the end of that scene -- but only a hint of it.

Scene One: If the opening scene features the main character, I show that character In Action showing off their greatest strength. To close that scene I show a small portion of that same strength's crippling weakness, but without exposing that it's a weakness.
In The Hobbit:
 -- Bilbo Baggins's greatest Flaw is that's he's 'nice' and 'polite'. In other words, he has Good Character. Not something one would generally think of as being a weakness.

Scene Two: As the story progresses that strength (and their dependence on it,) devolves openly into a crippling weakness that nearly destroys what's most important to them. 
In The Hobbit:
 -- Bilbo Baggins's  Good Character is what allows Gandalf and the dwarves to take advantage of his home to get a free dinner -- for 14 people!-- and take advantage of his person. He is quite literally managed into signing a contract to go on an Adventure he doesn't want, and in fact something Hobbits do not do. 
Later in the story, Bilbo Baggins's Flaw of Good Character nearly gets him eaten by trolls because he's too polite to attack them.

Scene Three: At the center of the story The Worst Thing That Could Possibly Happen occurs. The character becomes utterly helpless and sunk deep in depression. That weakness they'd originally depended on as their strength is what they must overcome to find a new source of strength to proceed.
In The Hobbit:
 -- At the center of the story, Bilbo falls into a deep, dark pit. Faced with Gollum, who tells Bilbo point-blank that he intends to Eat Bilbo, Bilbo once again is too polite. He refuses to see Gollum as a the deadly threat he is, and bargains with Gollum, fully expecting the creature to keep his word and let him go should Bilbo win their little contest.
Once Gollum reveals that he has no intention of honoring his word, what saves Bilbo isn't Bilbo's sword, but a single moment of Bad Character; Theft. Bilbo keeps a gold ring that he knows belongs to Gollum. This one act of Bad Character ends up being his salvation against Gollum because the ring is Magical.


Scene Four: Validation; when the Flaw proves to be an actual strength.
In The Hobbit:
-- The ring that Bilbo stole allows Bilbo to save the dwarves when they're attacked by Spiders, then again when the dwarves are captured by the wood elves, then Bilbo himself when he is faced with a fire-breathing dragon, and so on and so forth... 
By the end of the story, Bilbo has finally learned that Not being Polite has it's uses too, such as when demanding back all his belonging that had been stolen from his home during his long absence -- and actually getting them all back because everyone else is too polite to refuse him

How to use this in Writing.


Example: A Romance Story
The Main Character's (MC) greatest strength is he's The Perfect Gentleman; he knows exactly the right thing to do and say no matter the circumstances. He's honest, trustworthy, and kind.

The flaw that comes with this talent is that Everyone Knows exactly what kind of man he is. (It's not like he can hide it.)
Scene One: MC interacts with 3 females; an office lady, his childhood playmate, and the girl he actually likes. To each of them he is The Perfect Gentleman; he says and does exactly the right thing each time.

Scene Two: He becomes the guy to go to when their heart is broken because he always knows what to say to make a someone feel better. The guys envy him, and the girls adore him.
During this time, he begins to court the girl he likes: flowers, gifts, dates... At the end of the scene, he finally gets up the courage to confess his love. She smiles and Refuses to take him seriously. Why? Because he ALWAYS says and does the right thing, no matter who they are; he treats Every girl the same way. She doesn't feel special; she doesn't feel loved.

Scene Three: He continues to pursue her, and confess his feelings, but the more he talks, the less she believes him. Even worse, none of the girls believe that he's even capable of having feelings for only one girl -- after all, he's the Perfect Gentleman to everyone he meets.

Scene Four: Deep in despair, he sees her one more time only this time he's unprepared and a total mess; his appearance has gone to crap from depression, he hasn't eaten, he hasn't slept. He weeps angry tears while shouting in anger that no one believes him. In short: He's not a gentleman at all. This time she believes him because for the first time she can see the man hiding under the mask of 'Perfect Gentleman'.

The End

Enjoy!

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Writing the LOVE scene -- as opposed to the Sex scene.



-----Original Message-----
…How exactly I would go about writing a 'romantic/love' scene?”
-- Curious about Loving

I believe what you’re actually asking is the same question asked by everyone in the entire world:

“How can you tell when you are loved?”

First of all, don’t confuse Romance with Love. They are two completely different things!

Love vs. Romance

There IS a difference
  • Romance a manipulation technique designed to make someone receptive to Sex. The source of Romance is LUST.
  • Lovewhen someone’s happiness means more than your own. The source of Love is CARING.
To many people, Romance means ‘showing love’. That’s not true. You show love by Protecting the ones you care for with the intent to ensure their lasting happiness. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re nice to them.

"How do you write a LOVE scene
-- as opposed to a SEX scene?"

Exactly the same way. The real difference is the MOTIVE.
  • Lust’s motive is ORGASM.
  • Love’s motive is CARING.
 
"How do you SHOW the difference?"

It’s easier than you think, because you probably already do it regularly without realizing it.

Think in terms of your Pet...
-- When you want to show how much you care, you stroke them, cuddle them, and play with them. You also feed them, clean up their poop, and make sure they have vet check-ups. You do all of these things to keep them happy and healthy. You do these things to keep them from suffering in any way.

You do the SAME THING with people you love whether they are your parents, your friends, or your children – you hug them, play with them, joke around with them, make sure they’ve eaten, make sure their colds are taken care of, you make sure they are not suffering in any way –- physically or emotionally. You also bitch them out when they’ve done something that could harm them or result in misery.

The difference between these people and a Lover, is that when you are showing that you care for a lover, you use sex to bring them the greatest physical pleasure you can.

Point Blank:
Sex is just another form of PETTING.


LUST is a whole other bowl of kimchee.
LUST is a physical urge, like eating when you’re hungry, seeking warmth in the cold, or needing to pee. It is an urge that seeks relief just like all your other physical urges.

If the urgency is great enough, LUST will attempt every dirty trick in the book to get their hands on their object of choice to gain some relief. If that particular object gives them exceptional pleasure, whether it be a dildo, a rubber doll, a super soft sock, or a person, they’ll make sure that the toy is cared for, and in some cases, jealously guarded – so that the toy will still be there (and receptive) when they want to use it again.

The key word here is USE.
  • Lust USES others for selfish physical gratification.
  • Love doesn’t use, it GIVES.
Love gives affection to make the one loved happy.
-- If something should happen to cause hurt to the one loved, the one who cares is devastated by their FAILURE stop suffering from happening.

Lust takes affection to make themselves happy.
-- Toys have PHYSICAL value, not Emotional value. If their toy should break or refuse to be used, they will be FRUSTRATED and ANGRY, but they won’t think they failed. They’ll think the TOY Failed -- and just go out and get another toy.


"What's the real difference between
a
Love scene and a Lust scene?"

Very simply:
Lust Takes pleasure.
Love Gives it.

Jealousy is NOT a sign of LOVE.

Jealousy a sign of possession, of ownership; of FEAR that their object will be taken from them and no longer theirs to USE; of Obsession and ADDICTION.

Jealousy is a point-blank sign of someone concerned with their own happiness, Not their Beloved's. "I won't let you make me unhappy!"

When the Beloved's happiness comes SECOND to the lover's happiness, "If you love me, you'd do this to make me happy..." What they are expressing is OWNERSHIP.

When one is IN LOVE, and their lover sleeps with someone else, they do Not feel jealousy, they feel FAILURE, and point the blame squarely on themselves. “I wasn’t enough to make my beloved happy in bed. What did I do wrong?” If their feelings are strong enough, they may ALLOW their lover to keep their other lover --and give up on them entirely-- simply because it's what makes their beloved happy.

When someone is merely in LUST, they will ISOLATE the object of their desires; from friends, co-workers, family, and even pets. They will use every trick they know, such as; Stalking and Spying, to keep rivals (read: THIEVES) from taking what they have claimed as theirs, even if it's merely their object of Lust's attention.

Should the object of their Lust sleep with someone else, they will attack the one attempting to steal their possession. "How dare you touch what is MINE?!"

Then they will attack their 'supposedly' Beloved. "How dare you let someone else have you?! You belong to ME!" Punishment --with the intent to cause Emotional damage-- swiftly follows, such as; breaking something important to their Lust object, a brutal and bloody beating, or flat-out rape.

If their Lust Object doesn't leave at that point, the jealous owner will then enforce stricter forms of ISOLATION on their Lust Object; up to and including Imprisonment, to 'protect' them from Escape and/or Theft.

Why do some married women allow their husbands to have a mistress?
-- Because they LOVE their husbands and want them to be happy. If having a toy makes them happy, they’ll even arrange to get a good quality toy for him.

Note: This happens far more often than you might realize. I have several very good friends who were personally invited to be a paid mistress by the wife of a corporate husband.

Why do married men ALWAYS return to their wives?
-- Because they LOVE their wives. Anyone else is just a toy to relieve their physical urges.

Think on that while you write your love scene. I swear the difference will show through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Post Script...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-----Original Message-----
"I'm not sure I agree with the last bit about mistresses, but that's mostly because I find myself unable to justify anyone 'in love' ever cheating on their loved one - again, because it's hurtful and selfish, and a way of making yourself feel good, even as it hurts your husband/wife."
-- Not Fond of Cheaters

That bit about Mistresses was merely a point to show that someone who is in love will allow their loved one damned near anything, even if it hurts them -- not an endorsement.

Love can be a real b!tch.

Once you love someone, no matter what they do to you, you can't stop loving them. You can only endure it as long as you can, until either they straighten up, or they drive you away.

I learned my lessons through cold hard experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-----Original Message-----
"Wow, I always thought Romance was about Love...?"
-- Prefers Romance

EVERYONE thinks Romance is about love -- because we really, really WANT it to be.

Romance tells us that the Other Person gives up everything for Us, when in fact, the opposite is true. Real Love makes us give up everything for THEM.

When you think about it, Love is a very scary emotion. It makes us give up everything we want, everything we are -- for someone else. If they are not worthy of such a sacrifice, it doesn't matter because we LOVE them and want them to be happy at any cost.

Real Love comes in many different shapes and colors.
A love that looks destructive from the outside, such as Bondage and Domination, could in fact be perfectly supportive and exactly what both lovers need from each other. A good movie that illustrates this perfectly is "Secretary".

On the other hand, what an outsider may think is positive and supportive might in fact not be love at all. Case in point, stalking was once thought of as being an expression of love. Angry possessiveness can look an awful lot like love when in fact it is a terror tactic designed to isolate the one supposedly beloved.

When a lover asks their beloved to choose between them and anything else, a friend, a pet, or even a hobby, they not interested in their significant other's happiness. They are ensuring that their toy has no outside distractions and is available for their convenience. A good movie that illustrates this is "Sleeping with the Enemy".

A lover that yells at their beloved for their destructive habits, such as over-spending, drugs, booze, gambling...is more likely to be showing real love, than a lover that sweetly begs their beloved to drop their plans for going out with their friends for a romantic dinner date with them.

How do you tell the difference?
-- Measure each action by this question: "WHO benefits from the Results?"

I am firmly of the opinion, that if one is going to write about Love, one should really know what it is -- and what it isn't.

Morgan Hawke

 DarkErotica.Net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Making ROMANCE


From TRUST to Intimacy
People talk about how hard it is to write Sex. Romance, is actually far more difficult. Sex is simply a squence of ACTIONS: "He did this, she reacted, and then did this in return...etc.” Romance, on the other hand, is a psychologically based sequence of actions for gaining Trust.
On TRUST and the Alpha Hero ~ in ROMANCE
By Angela Knight

In a romance, a great deal of the conflict revolves around trust issues.
  • Can I trust this person not to hurt me?
  • Can I trust him with the most delicate parts of myself; emotionally and sexually?
  • Can I trust him to love me?”
So for reasons of the greatest drama, in romance we want a guy who is manifestly NOT trustworthy; a womanizing alpha male, a vampire, a werewolf. Because when the heroine trusts this guy anyway, the risk is that much greater, and the stakes she’s playing for are that much higher.

That’s why you see so many arrogant alpha male heroes – because they come with built-in conflicts. And that’s why in the 80s, the heroes were so often outright rapists and abusers; they were not trustworthy, in any way, shape, or form. They had to learn to become trustworthy to make themselves worthy of the heroine.

Paradoxically, in today’s romances we want heroes who really are heroes from page one. The heroine may doubt whether this guy is trustworthy, and he may seem NOT to be (because he’s a vampire, a werewolf, or an alpha male asshole) — but the writer must reassure the reader right up front that the guy IS a hero, and he can be trusted.

Because otherwise, the heroine is an IDIOT for trusting him, and the reader is not going to want to get into the skin of an idiot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Posted with Permission
Caution!
Someone skilled in the Arts of Romance
is NOT necessarily demonstrating Love!

Romance:
A manipulation technique designed to make someone receptive to Sex.
The motive behind Romance is LUST.
Love:
When someone's happiness means more than your own.
The motive behind Love is AFFECTION.

To many people, Romance means 'showing love'. That's not true. You show love by protecting the ones you care for with the intent to ensure their lasting happiness. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're nice to them.

Romance is about being nice to the point that they'll let you have sex with them.

Make sure you SHOW the difference!

MAKING Romance in FICTION!
The Ritual of: "May I...?"
So, how do we make it known that a hero is Trustworthy without STATING it? We use BODY LANGUAGE. We SHOW, through the use of the psychological cues of actual Romance.

Basically, we apply the same Dating rules that we follow in real life – how we know when a guy is actually worth trusting enough to kiss -- to our fiction.

Romance is a ritual dance of Query / Answer on the path toward Intimacy. An interested party makes a Query, they hold out their hand. If the other party grasps that hand voluntarily, then they have Answered in the positive and the next Query, the next step toward Intimacy may be presented. Each positive answer received implies that a request for more intimate contact may also be accepted.

Defining the Twelve Stages of Intimacy
(Derived from a presentation by Linda Howard)

1. Eye to body. "What have we here?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He sees her, she sees him. If she turns toward him, in even a small amount, that is his cue that he may approach.

2. Eye to Eye. "I find you interesting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He looks at her. She looks at him. If she smiles, this is his cue that he may speak to her and introduce himself. If he stares too long without speaking, he implies that she is an object being assessed for use. If she perceives this she may turn away to deny continuing contact.

3. Voice to Voice. "I'd like to know you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He introduces himself. If she responds with a smile and friendly conversation, then he is well on his way to closer contact.

4. Hand to Hand. "I like you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First contact. He holds out his hand. If she accepts his hand and smiles, she has given permission to take the next step.

5. Arm to Shoulder. "May I touch you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First Body to Body contact. He sits or stands next to her. If she stays close, he may proceed to put his arm around her shoulders. If she moves away, then he must go back to Stage 3 to establish trust.

6. Arm to Waist. "May I have you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Placing his arm around her waist is a potent and very important step. All contact beyond this point is Sexual in nature. Arm to waist contact is also a territorial signal to others that this person is Taken. It is at this point that she decides if she wants to be intimate with him – but she does NOT let him know this.

7. Mouth to Mouth. "This is how I intend to treat you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The kiss. First sexual contact. How someone kisses implies how they intend to make love. It is not unusual for a Heroine to flee after a kiss that is too controlling or possessive. If this happens, he will need to retreat all the way back to Stage 3 to rebuild trust.

8. Hand to Head. "Will you trust me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He touches her hair, her face, her mouth with his fingers. If she allows this, she is giving her ultimate trust. Grasping the hair and/or the face gives the holder complete control. If he has a tight enough hold, she will not be able to escape without a fight and possibly harm. By allowing this contact, she gives permission to allow all other hand contact with her body.

9. Hand to Torso. "I want more..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heavy petting normally begins with the clothing still on. The intent is to excite her into voluntarily opening her clothes and exposing her skin for more intimate contact. If he starts at the top of her body, head, neck, shoulder, breast, stomach…etc. stroking her as one would a pet, then he shows an acceptable level of affection. If he immediately digs under her clothes to grab her, BEFORE full intimacy has been established, she will assume he sees her as an object he intends to use and throw away.

This is the point where most rapes begin, so females tend to be hyper-aware of their partner's actions during this stage. If she is not 100% comfortable with his actions, she will immediately withdraw. If he reacts with anger, she'll assume that she is in danger and seek to escape using any means possible, after which she will refuse all future contact, ending the relationship. She may also report to every female she knows that he is dangerous.

10. Mouth to Torso. "I hunger for you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He kisses her throat, her shoulder, and any other exposed skin. Acceptance of mouth to skin contact implies extreme trust. The mouth is the most dangerous part of the body; it contains the teeth. This is where all remaining clothing is removed and full skin to skin contact begins.

She must be the first to open her clothing to him before any further contact can be made. If he takes the initiative and removes his clothes without her first having opened something to him, then he implies that he is not interested in her readiness, he is there for his pleasure, not hers. If she perceives this, she will immediately withdraw and possibly refuse all future contact, ending the relationship. She may also report to every female she knows that he an extremely selfish lover.

11. Hand to Genitals. "Are you ready for me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His hands explore her intimately. His explorations are to insure that she is ready for full sexual possession. (Are her nipples hard? Is she wet?) If she is not ready, he will use his hands and mouth to stir her passions, insuring that she is eager to welcome him and will enjoy what they are about to share.

Taking someone when they are not ready is not only painful, it destroys all trust. Should this happen, she will immediately seek to escape using any means possible, after which she will refuse all future contact, ending the relationship. She may also report to every female she knows that he an extremely poor lover.

12. Genitals to Genitals. "You are mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Full sexual contact implies ownership on a primal level. Once full sexual contact is gained, both partners assume that they may have it again at any time. Making Love implies a relationship. Having Sex implies a diversion, a form of entertainment on the level of a video game. With this one act, she knows for certain if he sees her as a potential life partner, or merely a form of entertainment to be tossed away when a new game comes along.

In FICTION,
the Sexual Act is a metaphor for 
a Relationship’s Emotional Progress.
In REALITY,
Good Sex Does NOT equal Trustworthy.

These stages are based on the actual rules of courtship, but these stages are meant for fiction. In the real world, someone that cares whether or not the female reaches climax is NO GUARANTEE that he cares beyond ensuring that she will allow sex a second time.

Real Life doesn’t make sense – Fiction Must.

A Note on Female Costume & Intimacy

The skin exposed, while fully dressed, advertises exactly how fast one is willing to proceed from Skin Contact to Sex.

A female in a low-cut but full-skirted gown states that she will allow some kissing contact (stage 8) but sex must still be negotiated.

A female in a floor length gown that exposes her entire back to the hips is stating that the man who gains permission to put his arm around her, (stage 6) will be allowed sex.

A female wearing very little, short skirt or skin-tight pants, a short top that exposes belly and/or back...etc., is advertising that she will allow sex to the man that gains hand contact, (stage 4).

A female in a skin-tight body suit is perceived as nude, even if the suit covers her from ankle to throat, as there is no impediment to immediate intimate contact. Sustained eye contact (stage 2) is considered a direct invitation to sex.

Color choice is also a factor in readiness for Sexual Contact. Light colors and pastels signal innocence. Bright colors and colorful prints signal playfulness. Dark jewel tones and satin, signal interest but caution. Animal prints, leather, dark velvets, and fur are a sign of sexual aggression.


The Ritual of Male & Female

The stages of Intimacy are fluid. Steps can be rushed, one right after the other, and some may even be skipped. However, skipped steps imply a lack of respect. Skipped steps can also imply a need to Control. These warning signs may not be understood consciously, but be rest assured, subconsciously the other party is well aware of what's going on.

Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She meets a suitable young man. They are introduced and he immediately goes to hug her without bothering to offer his hand or speak with her personally. She may not feel that she has a reason to turn him down and so may allow the full-frontal contact. After that, she will refuse to be alone with him; in fact she may avoid him altogether, likely for the rest of the night. She may not even realize she's avoiding him, but she will avoid him none the less.

Why? Because whether she is aware of it or not, his rush into close physical contact removed all trust.

If the young man is wise, he will find her, hold out his hand and begin again, all the way back to a full reintroduction, preferably with an apology inserted somewhere.

If he does not, she will continue to avoid him. She will continue to feel uncomfortable, unsafe and 'pressured' by him. She will continue to feel that because she allowed 'full frontal contact' he will expect the Next Step in the Dance of Intimacy: a Kiss.

Respect is a Two-Way street.

When a female decides to break the order and jump steps with a potential partner, this tells him that he does NOT have to respect her personal boundaries because she has violated His.

A female that spontaneously kisses a man on the mouth when she does not already know him intimately shows an extreme lack of respect toward him. She is in effect, treating him like an object to be used. This gives him permission to use her any way he cares to, even to the point of taking her right there because her lack of respect for him has removed the need for him to treat her with respect.

In Conclusion…

The steps in the Ritual of Intimacy allow potential lovers the chance to demonstrate respect for each others' personal boundaries and encourage Trust to build between them.

Without TRUST between both parties
 - Love cannot happen.
Without TRUST between both parties
 - Love SHOULD NOT happen.

Enjoy!
Morgan Hawke
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