The Curse of Run-On Dialogue

 

The Curse of Run-On Dialogue

AKA; Narration Run Amok

----- Original Message -----

[What should I do] about splitting [dialogue] paragraphs that are [all] by the same character? I usually do it for emphasis or to show that there's a brief pause between them. Like when a character suddenly changes his/her topic.

-- My Characters Won't Shut Up! --

Paragraphing IS supposed to be divided by character; actions + dialogue. However, sooner or later one will run across: Run-On Dialogue.

Run-On Dialogue is when one character talks, and talks, and talks...for whole paragraphs at a time.

Oddly enough, this problem isn't all that common, but it can happen to new writers who still haven't quite figured out how to break up their dialogue with actions and descriptions.

Far more common is the creation of whole paragraphs of Internal Dialogue and Introspection, especially when one writes in First Person POV, or Third Person Close POV. This is known as Narration Run Amok.

When only one character is acting and talking, or acting and thinking, this can make for walls of text the size of a skyscraper.

So, how do you break up that
Wall of Talking?

Well hopefully you're breaking all that talking up with body language, actions, and descriptions.

Seriously, that's what you do first:

Break up your lines of Dialogue with:

• Actions
• Description
• Body Language

Next!

Sub-Divide those lines of dialogue into paragraphs by:

• Change in Action
• Change in Location
• Change in Thought or Ideas

Example: Change in Thought or Idea

Did you know that you're supposed to write someone arguing with themselves as two different people complete with paragraph breaks, even though they're the same person?

I sure didn't.

Then my editor sent me that particular manuscript page covered in red ink.

Example: All three in 3rd Person Close POV:

Excerpt from Death & The Maiden

Standing with her back against her room's closed door, Michiru clutched her bathrobe to her throat and gasped for breath. She'd known that Koyomi and Aso were...dating, but she hadn't quite realized they'd gone that far.

She winced. Idiot...! Of course they've gone that far. The Yomi half of Koyomi's personality was openly lecherous, at least around Michiru, and Aso was a known womanizer. She'd had more than one run-in with his openly adoring and half-naked harem.

Michiru sighed heavily then turned to her right to set her bath things on her battered dresser next to her aged brass bed. It was beginning to look like she was the only virgin in the dorm. In fact, according to the gossip her classmates shared, she was very likely the only virgin in the whole senior class.

She was seriously beginning to feel rather...left out.

Michiru scowled and jerked opened the middle drawer of her dresser to yank out a pink flannel nightgown. Stupid virginity! She flung the night gown on the neatly made bed and slammed the drawer closed. It wasn't that she was saving herself for marriage or anything. She doubted she'd live that long. She just wanted to give her virginity to someone she liked - that liked her back.

However, the way things were going, she sincerely doubted she'd live long enough to go on a proper date, never mind get the chance to lose her virginity. Damn it!

Michiru stomped across the room to pull the heavy curtains closed. It was too damned cold at night to leave them open. The cracked windows did little to keep heat in the room. She then moved to the fireplace opposite her bed and knelt to light the paper covered fire log in her fireplace, then added a few actual wood logs. The aged fireplace was the room's only source of heat and the paper coated fire log only lasted a few hours.

Once the log was well and truly lit, she slipped out of her bathrobe and pulled her night gown over her head, tugging it down over her nudity. Stupid zombies! Why were they all in her town anyway? If it hadn't been for them, she'd have been able to live a normal life and gotten herself a normal boyfriend.

Michiru flopped back on her bed to stare at the cracked, water-stained ceiling. So what should I do? She didn't want to die a virgin! That would be completely pathetic.

Note how the character's Actions and Mood Swings (the back and forth in Thought,) allowed for paragraph breaks.

Hopefully that helped.

 

Just say NO to
Author Intrusion:

Also known as:
Breaking the Fourth Wall.

The Fourth Wall is the Audience.

Every time the Author addresses their story's audience --their Readers-- during the story, they are violating the fourth dimension, or wall, of that story's Reality. 

Those violations are known as: Author Intrusions.

Author Intrusions show up as little comments that express the author's personal feelings on what's happening in their story, or heavily hint at things to come.

Author Intrusions are a Bad Idea.

Author Intrusions jar the Reader out of the mental movie they've generated while reading because the Author keeps rudely shoving them out of the story to remind them that They know something the Reader doesn't.

Compare it to watching a movie you haven't seen before with a friend that won't shut up about how cool the next scene is. 

 

See this shit? This is Author Intrusion. 

Identifying Author Intrusions:

The most common form of Author Intrusion is when the writer plants overly-obvious hints of things to come addressed directly to the Reader.

Examples:

• In hindsight, he would be thankful for his overreaction.
• Unfortunately, his choices had truly never been his own.
• If only they'd realized how wrong they were.

These are normally found at the end of a chapter, or book, but I've also seen them posted smack in the middle of a scene in progress. 

• They had no idea what consequences their choice would bring.
  

I have been told that these particular intrusions are meant to be a form of Foreshadowing.

This shit is NOT Foreshadowing.

True Foreshadowing symbolically hints at things to come. It Does Not point-blank TELL the Reader that something is coming.

More on actual Foreshadowing: TV Tropes: Foreshadowing

I have also been told that this form of Author Intrusion is supposed to create suspense and entice the Reader to read the next installment.

This shit does NOT create Suspense either.

The truth is, this sort of cheap-assed teaser-spoiler Does Not add suspense because it entirely Removes the surprise factor of what is coming.

Suspense is about Anticipation. It's about waiting for 'the other shoe to fall'. When an author point-blank announces that there's another shoe, all that lovely anticipation is halved because the Reader now knows for a fact that this shoe WILL fall -- that something IS going to happen.

THINK: How can anyone be surprised if they're already expecting a surprise?

If you want to create Suspense, don't TELL the Reader outright that something is going to happen. Instead, SHOW IT by planting Clues; the butcher knife was missing from the kitchen drawer, and give Hints through ominous Sounds, creeping Shadows, character Body Language, and stilted Dialogue that something is going to happen. 

 

Authors:
Keep Your Opinions to Yourself!

The next most common form of Author Intrusion happens when the writer just can't keep their personal comments about certain characters, or what's happening in their story to themselves.

This is particularly virulent in fan-fics written by new writers who get over-excited about what they're writing.

Cut that shit out!
Literally, cut all that shit Out of your work.

Us readers do not want anyone interrupting our stories with their opinions, feelings, or comments about the story we're reading. That includes comments from the Author. Save that crap for the Author Notes.

However...  

"Lines like those (in my fan fiction anyway) are actually meant as red flags; a sort of, "Hey, pay attention, I'm doing something over here!" This is because, in the...years I've been writing fan fiction, I've noticed that the majority of 'new readers' (i.e. those new to fan fiction,) will not pay attention [to what they're reading] and will inundate me with questions that are easily answered if they did. With lines like those thrown in, the questions are fewer and I don't have to waste time explaining things that don't need explanations."

-- Annoyed Fan-Fic Writer

While all that might sound like a good excuse -- it really Isn't.

When the author inserts comments about a character or situation happening right there in the middle of the story just to make it easier for a few lazy-assed readers to figure out what's going on, those comments are nothing more than Spoilers for the rest of us. 

Spoiling the Story for Lazy-Assed Readers
is a BAD IDEA.

While some readers love to be babied like that, the rest of us readers don't. The rest of us are paying close attention and we love ferreting out the author's little hints exposed by the plot's progression and character reveals. We are reading specifically to discover what the heck is going on. 

Spoilers strip out all the suspense and discovery -- the most enjoyable parts of the story.

I don't know about you, but once all the surprises are gone from a story, I have no reason to keep reading that story. 

 

Fixing Spoilers

If the Reader doesn't get what happened and the information to set them straight IS NOT actually present in the story, then yeah, the Writer messed up.

To fix this, they should REWRITE and REPOST the Relevant Chapter ASAP! NOT answer their reader's query with any comment beyond, "Oh crap! Let me fix that real quick!"

If the Reader doesn't get what happened and the information to set them straight IS actually present in the story, meaning; the Reader simply missed it the first time around, then the Reader messed up -- not the Writer.

When this happens, the Writer should answer their query by politely telling that reader to Read the Chapter Again a little more carefully. NOT by giving them Spoilers!

Seriously, professional authors don't cater to that crap, neither should fan-fic writers.

The only thing catering to lazy-assed readers does is encourage those readers to bug other writers for spoilers -- and us other writers don't appreciate it.

 

As for Breaking the Fourth Wall... 

Or is he?

Deadpool:
Not actually Breaking the Fourth Wall.
He is Narrating his own story.   

Yes, Deadpool does address his audience throughout his comic books and movies. In his comics he even comments on the textboxes around him. 

Deadpool also freely admits that he's not exactly Sane.

However, addressing his readers, or watchers, or even his text boxes doesn't change the fact that Deadpool is The Point of View Character in both his comics and his movies. He's the one telling the tale. He's expected to comment on everything and everyone around him because that's what POV Characters do. 

Deadpool just happens to be narrating his story out loud to the voices, and text boxes, in his own head. That there happens to actually be an audience of readers and movie watchers is entirely incidental.

Now if Stan Lee; the main author of Marvel Comics, popped into Deadpool's story, that would be Author Intrusion-- 

Oh, wait... He did.

A...tasteful example of Author Intrusion. 

 AKA: The Cameo.

Narration is Not Author Intrusion

The Narrator is The Point of View Character observing --and commenting on-- their part of the tale. If done Right, what is narrated is colored by that POV Character's thoughts, opinions, and comments about what is happening around them. 

Breaking the 4th Wall?
Nope, just 1st Person POV.

 

Narration is not Author Intrusion because the author isn't telling the story, the POV Character is.

Deadpool, in both the comics and in his movies, uses First Person Point of View Narration. First Person POV can look like the character is Breaking the Fourth Wall, but they really aren't because Narration is supposed to address the audience. Think in terms of diary entries, or in Deadpool's case, a massive Selfie Video.

The only time Narration should ever be colored by the author's opinions is in a Self-Insert story where the author is the POV character-- 

 -- or in a Fairy Tale. 

Fairy Tales were originally told Orally. They were spoken and acted out by a storyteller directly to their audience. The storyteller's opinions of what was happening were part of the act, rather like the Master of Ceremony for a play. 

When these tales were eventually written down by collectors, such as the Brothers Grimm, they wrote them in the oral style --author intrusions included-- simply because that's how they were told to the collectors.

Later writers, such as Hans Christian Anderson, wanted their tales to be labelled Fairy Tales, so they used this oral style specifically so their stories would blend in with the much older collected Grimm's stories.

However, if the story is not a Fairy Tale--  

 

Don't Interrupt Your Readers!

Written stories are viewed in the imagination like a movie. So when the author pops in a comment to make their personal opinions known, it throws the reader out of the movie they're watching in their imaginations because someone is talking to them.

"But the whole story is the author's opinion!"

Exactly! A writer has their whole story to express their personal opinions, so there is absolutely No Need for the author to interrupt their readers with additional comments on anything at all during the story.

If a writer absolutely, positively must comment on what's happening in their story, an Author's Note is where that shit belongs --or their personal blog, or whatever social media floats their boat-- nowhere else.

Author Intrusions:

--If you're Not writing a Fairy Tale--

Don't Do It.

Unless you're Stan Lee.
(He can intrude wherever he likes.)

 

Morgan Hawke
morganhawke.com