Don't Insult your Readers ~ A minor Rant.

Don't Insult your Readers.
A minor Rant.

"You don't need to put neon signs around your plot points.
Readers aren't as dumb as you think."
-- Mojo Castle Books, Editor in Chief --

Just say No to: 
PLOT WAFFLING!​

Plot Waffling is a form of Author Intrusion that appears when the author is convinced that their Readers are too stupid, or too immature to comprehend what's going on in the story without assistance.

For example, when a character keeps "noticing" what seems to be something relatively unimportant that adds nothing to the current scene.

✧ "Wow, that's interesting. Why is that there?"
✧ "I wonder who that is, even though I'm not interested in them, really."

Translation: "NOTICE THIS NOW! Hell, write this shit down!"

 

This form of Plot Waffling is even worse, and is commonly mistaken by the Author as Foreshadowing:

✧ Little did they know, but this would be the last time...
✧ If only they knew that...
✧ Don’t worry about it. You’ll know the truth soon enough.
✧ Anyway, I’m getting ahead of my story. Little Ozzie and Terrible Chester do not enter the picture until after the cow explodes.

This shit is not Foreshadowing! 

This is fairytale Narration shit, and it does not belong in books or stories meant for anyone older than Twelve! It definitely doesn't belong in books or stories meant for Adults.

Ahem...

Plot Waffling, and Narration mainly appear in fairytales, published kiddie books, and story books intended for middle-school children and younger. Readers that actually need help comprehending what they're reading. For example, the very first Harry Potter book; Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, written specifically for eleven-year-olds and younger, had it all over the opening chapter.

When this shit happens in published novels meant for Adults, it's usually accidental.

The culprit being the Author's publishing house Editor who didn't recognize that it should have been red-lined and removed. Either the Editor was very new at the job, and wasn't fully trained yet, or the Editor recently came from the Children's Books, or Young Adult department where this shit is considered acceptable for publication -- because their Readers are children.

In short, these Editors had yet to learn that this shit Should Not be in books read by Adults, and is supposed to be Removed with Extreme Prejudice.

If this shit appears in a novel written by a top named Author, that Author likely has a multi-billion dollar contract that states that they don't want an Editor, and no matter what they write, or how badly they write it, it will be Published. Such as: Nora Roberts, Stephen King, Laurell K Hamilton, Anne Rice...

So! If you're not writing a kid's book, and you're not a top named author with a contract that says you can skip the Editor...?

Shut up, and go edit that shit out of your work.

Web Stories & Fan-fiction​

On Web Story and Fan-fiction sites, Plot Waffling and Narration show up for three main reasons.

Reason 1:

-- The Author hasn't read nearly enough books written for Adults to realize that Plot Waffling and Fairytale Narration is only acceptable in stories meant for Children.

Reason 2:

-- The Author has deliberately written a story in a Manga, Lite Novel, or WebNovel style because they thought it would be easier to write, and popular.

It is plainly obvious that both of these types of Authors gorged on a high concentration of fairytales, middle-school story books, translated Manga and Manhua, translated Lite Novels, and Young Adult novels. These stories are well-known for having very simplistic wish-fulfillment plots, cliché wish-fulfillment characters, no romance or relationship development, very little description, and a limited vocabulary -- because they are meant for kids under thirteen with difficulty in Reading Comprehension.

None of which appeals to most Adult Readers.

Seriously, No Adult enjoys reading a story that's been Dumbed Down for Kiddy Comprehension -- especially if that story contains Adult Content!

Adult Readers generally prefer stories they can't guess the ending to by the fourth chapter, flawed complex characters dealing with personal issues, realistic relationships even if the adult scenes happen behind closed doors, rich and detailed descriptions that allow the Reader to clearly visualize the story's world, and a college-level vocabulary to support the full breadth of the story. 

 

#1 Excuse: 

"But WebNovel stories are all written that way!"​

 

The WebNovel sites available to readers in English are almost all Amateur Translations. Even the pay-to-read sites are translated by Amateurs. Professional translators are far too expensive for a WebNovel site to afford, especially when some of those stories have over 1000 chapters. 

 

Note: Both Lord of Mysteries and Shadow Slave were written --and posted-- in English, not translated to English, and it Shows. 

 

The only free stories easily available on the internet are amateur porn, amateur fan-fictions, amateur translations, and stories written by amateurs who read all those amateur translations then tried to write their own by imitating those amateur translations.  

Amateur imitation of Amateur translations 
will only result in Poorly Written Amateur work. 

 

Chinese, Japanese, and Korean WebNovel stories are published by the Chapter because these authors are Paid by the Chapter. These stories are Designed to Have No Ending, which is why those stories have such large casts of characters, and never really resolve their major plot points. The longer the story, the more money they make. 

 

This has been causing Bad Writing Habits in all those amateur writers imitating the WebNovel style. 

• Passive writing
• Simplistic vocabulary 
• Poor or No Description
• Cliche characters  
• Frequent POV switching 
• Cliche plotting or No plotting
• No End
• Lack of research 
• Plot Waffling 

Also, amateur Translators generally only translate 1000 to 1500 words at a time, cutting the original posted chapters into 3 to 5 parts -- so they can post their translations weekly. Another Bad Habit being imitated by amateur writers. 

• Chapters that are Too Short (under 2500 words.) 

 

~~ 📚~~​

 

There are Adults out there that prefer reading simplistic adventure books meant for teens and younger. However, they are vastly out-numbered by the rest of us Adults looking for something good to read.

~~ 📚~~​ 

Reason 3:

-- The Author has been abused in the Comments section by far too many Immature, and likely Under-aged Readers.

In my opinion...!
-- Too many story sites that allow Adult Content also allow Thirteen-Year-Olds Membership, when the minimum age for membership should be Sixteen, or better yet: Eighteen.

Not that age-restriction on memberships actually matter.

It's all too easy for an under-aged brat to LIE about their age and sneak in to a site they have no business viewing, and gaining access to content they are not legally old enough, and certainly not mature enough, to be seeing. Sadly, there's not a whole lot the site admins can do about it. Even if a brat is caught and thrown out, they can just create a new ID and sneak right back in.

To make matters worse, not all Immature Readers are under-aged.

However, Immature Readers of all ages have two major flaws in common, that makes them very easy to identify:

Impatience and the constant need for Attention.
​

Immaturity & Author Abuse​

On fan-fiction and web novel sites, Immature Readers are easily spotted by their nasty habit of battering Authors for spoilers in the Comments section. These spoiler questions tend to appear in the early chapters as puppy-eyed begging, or snotty demands for characters' motives, romantic interests, when sex scenes will happen, and how the story is going to end. Things the story itself will answer in due time.

Don't be fooled. Both the begging and the demands are signs that you're dealing with an immature, impatient, attention-seeking Brat.

In addition to spoiler-begging, these brats also tend to post half a dozen times on the same chapter by adding snippy, snotty, or outright nasty comments on other people's comment posts.

These brat posts are especially prevalent when the Author has not set their comments to "Members Only", "No Anonymous Guest Posts", and "Approve before Posting".

All too often, instead of telling these immature brats: "Go read the Chapter again, idiot," or "You'll know when it happens," or just plain IGNORING them, the abused Authors Give-In to the brats' demands and deliver on those spoilers in their comments. AKA: Feeding the Trolls. This is especially virulent when the author is desperate to be seen as Nice, and Friendly.

Rather than stop those brats from posting, it backfires spectacularly and encourages the little shits to Do It More. After all, they've been getting loads of attention this way. Why should they stop?

Sometimes a desperate Author will start adding explanations in their Author Notes, specifically for those Brat Readers that repeatedly post that they did not get it. Worst of all is when the Author starts adding Plot Waffling to the story to make Story Comprehension easier for those same Brat Readers.

In the meantime, what they're actually doing is Ruining the Story for the rest of their reading audience!

Stop that!

 

So how do you deal with

 Immature Bratty Troll Readers?

Never accept Anonymous Guest posts, and if the brats get through anyway, ignore them. Don't Answer their Posts.

To get rid of a Troll, you have to
Starve it of Attention.
There is No Other Way. ​

The truth is, these immature troll brats are not looking for answers, they're looking for ATTENTION from the closest famous person they can get to talk to them: the Author of the story they're reading.

If you must answer them, just politely tell them: "I don't want to give away all the surprises," or "The answers are in the story," or "Just wait and see!" Then disengage and don't add any more -- especially if they're provoking you!

Report them if you can. If not, your only recourse to utterly ignore them, no matter how nasty they get. 

 

~~ 📚~~
​

So...! 

 

How does an Adult tell an Author 

to Stop treating their Readers like children? 

 

This is easily done with an Email to the Author, or a post in their Comments section:

Dear Author,​

-- Please stop dumbing down the story. I am a working, tax-paying, Adult with an Adult's level of reading comprehension and the vocabulary to go with it. I am Not an immature brat who hasn't graduated high school yet. Nor am I an idiot. I don't need pointers, hints, or asides to help me understand what's going on. I am fully capable of following context clues to figure things out for myself, thank-you.​

 -- Looking for a Good Story 

 

 

In Conclusion...

You get what you Pay For. 

 

If you want something good to read, chances are, you're going to have to Pay for it.

 

Most free-to-read stories available on the internet are written or translated by Amateurs with little experience on how to write decent fiction. 

 

Stories written by experienced professional authors however, are not free. 

 

Del-Rey, the largest publisher of Sci-Fi and Fantasy does not allow any of their published books to be posted anywhere for free. Nor does any other US publisher, including eBook publishers. Even the authors' own sites are limited to posting no more than four chapters. 

 

While eBook publishers can compete with brick and mortar publishing houses for decent authors, pay-to-read Web Novel sites can Not. Writing a chapter a day for a professional author is far too much pressure for far too little pay. Free story sites aren't even a consideration.

 

☕

 

Just say NO to
Author Intrusion:

Also known as:
Breaking the Fourth Wall.

The Fourth Wall is the Audience.

Every time the Author addresses their story's audience --their Readers-- during the story, they are violating the fourth dimension, or wall, of that story's Reality. 

Those violations are known as: Author Intrusions.

Author Intrusions show up as little comments that express the author's personal feelings on what's happening in their story, or heavily hint at things to come.

Author Intrusions are a Bad Idea.

Author Intrusions jar the Reader out of the mental movie they've generated while reading because the Author keeps rudely shoving them out of the story to remind them that They know something the Reader doesn't.

Compare it to watching a movie you haven't seen before with a friend that won't shut up about how cool the next scene is. 

 

See this shit? This is Author Intrusion. 

Identifying Author Intrusions:

The most common form of Author Intrusion is when the writer plants overly-obvious hints of things to come addressed directly to the Reader.

Examples:

• In hindsight, he would be thankful for his overreaction.
• Unfortunately, his choices had truly never been his own.
• If only they'd realized how wrong they were.

These are normally found at the end of a chapter, or book, but I've also seen them posted smack in the middle of a scene in progress. 

• They had no idea what consequences their choice would bring.
  

I have been told that these particular intrusions are meant to be a form of Foreshadowing.

This shit is NOT Foreshadowing.

True Foreshadowing symbolically hints at things to come. It Does Not point-blank TELL the Reader that something is coming.

More on actual Foreshadowing: TV Tropes: Foreshadowing

I have also been told that this form of Author Intrusion is supposed to create suspense and entice the Reader to read the next installment.

This shit does NOT create Suspense either.

The truth is, this sort of cheap-assed teaser-spoiler Does Not add suspense because it entirely Removes the surprise factor of what is coming.

Suspense is about Anticipation. It's about waiting for 'the other shoe to fall'. When an author point-blank announces that there's another shoe, all that lovely anticipation is halved because the Reader now knows for a fact that this shoe WILL fall -- that something IS going to happen.

THINK: How can anyone be surprised if they're already expecting a surprise?

If you want to create Suspense, don't TELL the Reader outright that something is going to happen. Instead, SHOW IT by planting Clues; the butcher knife was missing from the kitchen drawer, and give Hints through ominous Sounds, creeping Shadows, character Body Language, and stilted Dialogue that something is going to happen. 

 

Authors:
Keep Your Opinions to Yourself!

The next most common form of Author Intrusion happens when the writer just can't keep their personal comments about certain characters, or what's happening in their story to themselves.

This is particularly virulent in fan-fics written by new writers who get over-excited about what they're writing.

Cut that shit out!
Literally, cut all that shit Out of your work.

Us readers do not want anyone interrupting our stories with their opinions, feelings, or comments about the story we're reading. That includes comments from the Author. Save that crap for the Author Notes.

However...  

"Lines like those (in my fan fiction anyway) are actually meant as red flags; a sort of, "Hey, pay attention, I'm doing something over here!" This is because, in the...years I've been writing fan fiction, I've noticed that the majority of 'new readers' (i.e. those new to fan fiction,) will not pay attention [to what they're reading] and will inundate me with questions that are easily answered if they did. With lines like those thrown in, the questions are fewer and I don't have to waste time explaining things that don't need explanations."

-- Annoyed Fan-Fic Writer

While all that might sound like a good excuse -- it really Isn't.

When the author inserts comments about a character or situation happening right there in the middle of the story just to make it easier for a few lazy-assed readers to figure out what's going on, those comments are nothing more than Spoilers for the rest of us. 

Spoiling the Story for Lazy-Assed Readers
is a BAD IDEA.

While some readers love to be babied like that, the rest of us readers don't. The rest of us are paying close attention and we love ferreting out the author's little hints exposed by the plot's progression and character reveals. We are reading specifically to discover what the heck is going on. 

Spoilers strip out all the suspense and discovery -- the most enjoyable parts of the story.

I don't know about you, but once all the surprises are gone from a story, I have no reason to keep reading that story. 

 

Fixing Spoilers

If the Reader doesn't get what happened and the information to set them straight IS NOT actually present in the story, then yeah, the Writer messed up.

To fix this, they should REWRITE and REPOST the Relevant Chapter ASAP! NOT answer their reader's query with any comment beyond, "Oh crap! Let me fix that real quick!"

If the Reader doesn't get what happened and the information to set them straight IS actually present in the story, meaning; the Reader simply missed it the first time around, then the Reader messed up -- not the Writer.

When this happens, the Writer should answer their query by politely telling that reader to Read the Chapter Again a little more carefully. NOT by giving them Spoilers!

Seriously, professional authors don't cater to that crap, neither should fan-fic writers.

The only thing catering to lazy-assed readers does is encourage those readers to bug other writers for spoilers -- and us other writers don't appreciate it.

 

As for Breaking the Fourth Wall... 

Or is he?

Deadpool:
Not actually Breaking the Fourth Wall.
He is Narrating his own story.   

Yes, Deadpool does address his audience throughout his comic books and movies. In his comics he even comments on the textboxes around him. 

Deadpool also freely admits that he's not exactly Sane.

However, addressing his readers, or watchers, or even his text boxes doesn't change the fact that Deadpool is The Point of View Character in both his comics and his movies. He's the one telling the tale. He's expected to comment on everything and everyone around him because that's what POV Characters do. 

Deadpool just happens to be narrating his story out loud to the voices, and text boxes, in his own head. That there happens to actually be an audience of readers and movie watchers is entirely incidental.

Now if Stan Lee; the main author of Marvel Comics, popped into Deadpool's story, that would be Author Intrusion-- 

Oh, wait... He did.

A...tasteful example of Author Intrusion. 

 AKA: The Cameo.

Narration is Not Author Intrusion

The Narrator is The Point of View Character observing --and commenting on-- their part of the tale. If done Right, what is narrated is colored by that POV Character's thoughts, opinions, and comments about what is happening around them. 

Breaking the 4th Wall?
Nope, just 1st Person POV.

 

Narration is not Author Intrusion because the author isn't telling the story, the POV Character is.

Deadpool, in both the comics and in his movies, uses First Person Point of View Narration. First Person POV can look like the character is Breaking the Fourth Wall, but they really aren't because Narration is supposed to address the audience. Think in terms of diary entries, or in Deadpool's case, a massive Selfie Video.

The only time Narration should ever be colored by the author's opinions is in a Self-Insert story where the author is the POV character-- 

 -- or in a Fairy Tale. 

Fairy Tales were originally told Orally. They were spoken and acted out by a storyteller directly to their audience. The storyteller's opinions of what was happening were part of the act, rather like the Master of Ceremony for a play. 

When these tales were eventually written down by collectors, such as the Brothers Grimm, they wrote them in the oral style --author intrusions included-- simply because that's how they were told to the collectors.

Later writers, such as Hans Christian Anderson, wanted their tales to be labelled Fairy Tales, so they used this oral style specifically so their stories would blend in with the much older collected Grimm's stories.

However, if the story is not a Fairy Tale--  

 

Don't Interrupt Your Readers!

Written stories are viewed in the imagination like a movie. So when the author pops in a comment to make their personal opinions known, it throws the reader out of the movie they're watching in their imaginations because someone is talking to them.

"But the whole story is the author's opinion!"

Exactly! A writer has their whole story to express their personal opinions, so there is absolutely No Need for the author to interrupt their readers with additional comments on anything at all during the story.

If a writer absolutely, positively must comment on what's happening in their story, an Author's Note is where that shit belongs --or their personal blog, or whatever social media floats their boat-- nowhere else.

Author Intrusions:

--If you're Not writing a Fairy Tale--

Don't Do It.

Unless you're Stan Lee.
(He can intrude wherever he likes.)

 

Morgan Hawke
morganhawke.com