Saturday, January 08, 2005

Literary Light Bulbs

Literary Light Bulbs

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. 

Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. 

Q: How many romance writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “How explicit do I have to make the screwing? I mean, it’s not as if I’m writing erotica!”

Q: How many Erotic Romance writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  
A: “All I ever hear is 'more screwing, more screwing, more screwing'!”

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?  
A: "Do we have to get author's approval for this?"

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?  
A: “I can't tell whether you mean 'change’ a light bulb or 'have sex’ in a light bulb. Can we reword it to remove the ambiguity?”

Q: How many Published Authors does it take to change a light bulb?  
A: "What do you mean it has to be changed?! Steven King doesn't change his light bulbs – and look what Laurell K Hamilton does with hers!”

Q: How many mainstream publishers does it take to change a light bulb?  
A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to inform the old bulb that their slot has been taken by a rising new bulb.

Q: How many e-publishers does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: “How fast can we get our webmaster to add the hot new Genre to website listing? Tomorrow? Great! I’ll tell the author to go ahead and write it!” (Rubbing hands together and muttering.) “We’re gonna make big bucks! BIG Bucks! Take THAT NY!"

Q: How many Cover Artists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Does it HAVE to be a light bulb? Can we use a candle instead?"

Q: How many final review copy editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “The last time this question was asked, it involved the cover artists wanting a candle. Is this difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.”

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a light bulb?  
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs, just highlight the ones in error.

Q: How many indexers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: See: cataloguers

Q: How many cover blurb writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: In the deepest corner of the Literary Kingdom darkness has fallen! Against all odds, the aging, yet still heroic, light bulb desperately seeks to bring back the glory that was once his. But will he succeed before he is replaced by a newer, more brilliant successor? (What? You didn’t like that? But it’s strictly to spec! Fine. Try Bill next desk down, but he only does Sci-Fi!) 

Q: How many printers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to wash the old bulb off the print, one to check the colour match, and one to call the client and explain the delay.

Q: How many catalogers does it take to change a light bulb?  
A: Only one, but first they have to wait to see how the Library of Congress has done it.

Q: How many literary critics does it take to change a light bulb?  
A: Literary critics don't know how to change light bulbs, (that’s why they’re critics,) but rest assured they'll find something wrong with the way you’ve done it.

Morgan Hawke
www.darkerotica.net
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1 comment:

  1. Just surfing through blogspots and came across yours. Amusing light bulb jokes. Cheers!
    Valderbar the Cat

    ReplyDelete