Showing posts with label writing tricks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing tricks. Show all posts

Friday, September 10, 2021

The Curse of Run-On Dialogue

 

The Curse of Run-On Dialogue
AKA; Narration Run Amok


----- Original Message -----

[What should I do] about splitting [dialogue] paragraphs that are [all] by the same character? I usually do it for emphasis or to show that there's a brief pause between them. Like when a character suddenly changes his/her topic.

-- My Characters Won't Shut Up! --


Paragraphing IS supposed to be divided by character; actions + dialogue. However, sooner or later one will run across: Run-On Dialogue.

Run-On Dialogue is when one character talks, and talks, and talks...for whole paragraphs at a time.

Oddly enough, this problem isn't all that common, but it can happen to new writers who still haven't quite figured out how to break up their dialogue with actions and descriptions.

Far more common is the creation of whole paragraphs of Internal Dialogue and Introspection, especially when one writes in First Person POV, or Third Person Close POV. This is known as Narration Run Amok.

When only one character is acting and talking, or acting and thinking, this can make for walls of text the size of a skyscraper.


So, how do you break up that
Wall of Talking?

Well hopefully you're breaking all that talking up with body language, actions, and descriptions.

Seriously, that's what you do first:

Break up your lines of Dialogue with:

  • Actions
  • Description
  • Body Language

Next!

Sub-Divide those lines of dialogue into paragraphs by:

  • Change in Action
  • Change in Location
  • Change in Thought or Ideas


Example: Change in Thought or Idea

Did you know that you're supposed to write someone arguing with themselves as two different people complete with paragraph breaks, even though they're the same person?

I sure didn't.

Then my editor sent me that particular manuscript page covered in red ink.


Example: All three in 3rd Person Close POV:

Excerpt from Death & The Maiden

Standing with her back against her room's closed door, Michiru clutched her bathrobe to her throat and gasped for breath. She'd known that Koyomi and Aso were...dating, but she hadn't quite realized they'd gone that far.

She winced. Idiot...! Of course they've gone that far. The Yomi half of Koyomi's personality was openly lecherous, at least around Michiru, and Aso was a known womanizer. She'd had more than one run-in with his openly adoring and half-naked harem.

Michiru sighed heavily then turned to her right to set her bath things on her battered dresser next to her aged brass bed. It was beginning to look like she was the only virgin in the dorm. In fact, according to the gossip her classmates shared, she was very likely the only virgin in the whole senior class.

She was seriously beginning to feel rather...left out.

Michiru scowled and jerked opened the middle drawer of her dresser to yank out a pink flannel nightgown. Stupid virginity! She flung the night gown on the neatly made bed and slammed the drawer closed. It wasn't that she was saving herself for marriage or anything. She doubted she'd live that long. She just wanted to give her virginity to someone she liked - that liked her back.

However, the way things were going, she sincerely doubted she'd live long enough to go on a proper date, never mind get the chance to lose her virginity. Damn it!

Michiru stomped across the room to pull the heavy curtains closed. It was too damned cold at night to leave them open. The cracked windows did little to keep heat in the room. She then moved to the fireplace opposite her bed and knelt to light the paper covered fire log in her fireplace, then added a few actual wood logs. The aged fireplace was the room's only source of heat and the paper coated fire log only lasted a few hours.

Once the log was well and truly lit, she slipped out of her bathrobe and pulled her night gown over her head, tugging it down over her nudity. Stupid zombies! Why were they all in her town anyway? If it hadn't been for them, she'd have been able to live a normal life and gotten herself a normal boyfriend.

Michiru flopped back on her bed to stare at the cracked, water-stained ceiling. So what should I do? She didn't want to die a virgin! That would be completely pathetic.


Note how the character's Actions and Mood Swings (the back and forth in Thought,) allowed for paragraph breaks.


Hopefully that helped.



When & How to SMUT

 


When & How to SMUT
DISCLAIMER: As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.
Less competition for me. :)

----- Original Message -----
I'd like to know how some smut writers write their smut, ...how smutty our smut should be, [and] places to put smut where it [won't] obstruct the actual plot. I also just want more smut to read...
-- Looking for Good Smut --

 
Before one Smuts...​
 
The first thing one needs to know about writing smut is The Law of Erotic Fiction:​
 

If you can take the Smut out of the Smut Story
and still have a viable story,​

You did it WRONG.


This was derived from Issac Azimov's Law of Science Fiction:​ 
"If you can take the Science out of the Science Fiction and still have a viable story, you did it WRONG."​
This Law is true for every genre of fiction, but especially true for Smut Fiction.

The point being; in order to write smut that won't obstruct the plot--​
 
One creates a Plot
specifically for the Smut.
 
 
WARNING! Incoming Rant!​

Do Not add Smut to an already existing story!​

If you already have a viable story, adding smut just to get readers to look at your work is known as Pandering. This happens most often when a writer gets impatient for views, or sales, and resorts to adding smut to their work in hope of catching the attention of somebody, anybody who will look at their work.​
If you have a half-way decent story, Pandering is the worst thing you can do to your work because it is a Dead End trick. Adding smut content to a story that was not originally designed to have smut content destroys character cohesion and creates massive plot holes almost instantly. In short, it destroys whatever integrity that story might have had.​
Pandering is a cheap trick no reader appreciates, especially readers who already know what good smut fiction looks like.​
If you think your readers won't notice you cheating them out of a properly plotted smut story, you are Very Wrong, and your readers will let you know in ugly ways.​
/Rant.​

Now that I've gotten that off my ample chest...
Accidents Do Happen.​
 
Sometimes writers will write stories that start out as legitimate smut, but the characters get carried away and the plot shifts focus to something that isn't smut -- turning their smut story into something completely different.​ 

How can you tell if a Smut Story has changed?​ 

Here's a test:
-- If you can substitute all the smut scenes with Kissing scenes, your plot has probably shifted into something else -- and that something else is what your story should be.​ 

What to do about this?​

First, figure out what your story's new focus is. Is it a fascinating Mystery, a rollicking Adventure, a tender Romance, intriguing Magic...? Next, take out all your lovely smut, save those scenes in another file to use in a different story, put kissing scenes in those gaping plot holes then finish your story.

What about just...jamming Smut in there anyway?​ 

NO! Absolutely Not. All that will do is ruin a perfectly viable story. All you can do is finish that story then try again with a new story -- hopefully with the smut properly integrated into the plotline.​ 

How do you Write a Story for Smut?!​

Before one writes a single word of the story you plan to have smut in, one needs to know that there are major differences between a basic smut story (Erotica), a smut Adventure story, (Adult Pulp Fiction and Erotic Romance,) a story with with love scenes, (common Romance,) and rape fics, (Bodice Rippers.)

Each of those types of stories all have different Plot Structures where the smut serves a difference purpose.


Erotica:
-- Smut IS the Plot.


Erotica stories tend to be short because their plot is literally; They met. They had sex. What happened after.

This sort of story is easily --and quickly-- written because the writer merely needs to come up with a smut scene, then figure out how the characters met to have smut, then what happened after they had smut.

They saw.
They conquered.
They came.
~ The End.


Adult Pulp Fiction/Erotic Romances:
-- Because the MC needed Smut, Plot Happened.


Believe it or not, Pulp Fiction and Erotic Romances are pretty much the same thing -- an Adult Grand Adventure. The only real difference between them are their target reading audiences. Pulp Fiction is generally aimed at male readers, where Erotic Romance, despite the misleading genre title, are aimed at the female reading audience.

The writer's job is to find a reason for their main characters to Need that Smut to Happen, then expand on how every time they succeed in getting it on, their actions complicate their grand adventure.

The beautiful Omega deliberately seduced the rampaging Alpha to allow the others to escape.

In female oriented Erotic Romance, and BL novels, smut also actively demonstrates the level of emotional intimacy the couple has reached, especially after a traumatic event.

The more poorly written Pulp Fictions however, tend to use a Reward system.

After something happens, the main characters indulge in smut.

-- The main character does something Dangerous; a rescue, an escape, a heist, a fierce battle, and they are rewarded with smut. (Ian Fleming, I am looking at you!)

This is a cheap-assed, bargain bin version of the cliché 'Boy gets the Girl as a Prize for doing something Brave' plot. This cliché is older than the earliest fairy tales and twice as used. Think: cave-man.

If you are aiming strictly for the Male reading audience, go for it! They'll appreciate it enthusiastically.

However, I as an author and a female reader, despise it. In fact most female readers intensely dislike that cliché.

Why?

It's demeaning.

If a guy does something life-threatening for my sake such as a rescue, I might reward them with a hug, or a kiss on the cheek, or money, but never smut. Not unless I was already in a sexual relationship with them.

The only type of person that will reward a guy with smut when they are Not already in a relationship with them, is either:

  1. A woman being forced to do so. In which case he better Not accept that reward or he will lose all respect from every female reading his story...!

  2. Or a woman looking for a sucker to use. This kind of person will also toss him away the instant they find someone stronger, richer, and more powerful. This kind of person is known as a Skank and females Hate them. We certainly don't want to read about them unless they come to nasty, nasty ends.


Romance:
-- Falling in Love leads to Smut.


Many, many Romances have smut, but most of them don't really need it. This is because what drives the plot in a Romance story isn't Physical Love. The plot's focus is Emotional Love, and emotions are what make the story happen -- and need the most detailing.

However, if you truly want smut in your Romance story, to do it properly each progressive love scene should demonstrate the increasing level of Affection and Trust --the increasing level of love-- between your main characters.


Bodice Rippers:
-- The classic rape fic where the victim falls in love with their rapist. AKA: Stockholm Syndrome.


Before we get into how to write one of these, the writer needs to know two things:

Number One: American female readers tend to HATE rape fics --this includes M/M rape fics-- with a burning passion, unless that story ends with a gruesome revenge scene that the rapist does not survive.

Bodice Ripper novels went out of fashion in the USA in the mid 80's because of a massive cultural shift in the USA where 'having sex' and 'enjoying sex' were no longer considered shameful -- something Nice Girls didn't do until after marriage.

Ahem... The authors no longer needed the excuse of a forced seduction to get their Nice Girl characters into bed with their male leads.


Number Two: Over 80% of the English reading --and book-buying-- audience is Female.
So, if your English rape fic, or English translated rape fic, has a low reader count, now you know why. It's because the largest denomination of English readers --females-- won't read that type of work.

On the other hand...!

If you are targeting male readers this type of story will definitely appeal to them because rape is a very common male stroke fantasy.

Ahem! Please note the term Fantasy. Just because someone fantasizes about something does not mean they have any desire to do such things in real life. 
 
For example, Stephen King fantasizes about gruesome murders all the time -- he even writes them down so other people can fantasize about them too! However, he has never harmed anyone in real life.​

The key to writing Bodice Rippers successfully is to have some kind of smut content in every chapter (every 2,500 words minimum,) even if it's just peeping at naked flesh.

However, there should still be a decent excuse for every bit of smut to happen! It doesn't have to be a good excuse, just enough of one to move the story to the next scene.

Detailing smut however, is optional with smut scenes only being a paragraph or three in length. This is because while male readers prefer detailed descriptions of the characters participating in smut -- female and male-- they prefer to use their imaginations to detail the action.


The Bodice Ripper is the core of the Oriental Harem story.
 
In order to write a harem fic longer than 10,000 words (two to four chapters,) one needs more Targets to fill out that word count.

To make a basic Harem Fic, start by sketching out as many targets for your main character to seduce as possible. Seriously, make a list with names, cliché character typecasting, and base descriptions. Change targets every 20,000 (20k) words with a new location and a fresh excuse to have smut.

How do you End a Harem Fic?​

-- No idea. From what I've seen so far, the story keeps going until the Main Character dies.


How Descriptive 
should the Smut Scenes be?

This depends on your target reading audience.

Female readers want descriptive details of everything -- inside and out!​

The people, the places, the action, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, the colors, the textures... Female readers want to see each scene clearly in their minds better than in a movie. They want to experience it all; mentally, physically, emotionally. They want to be those characters and live their lives from inside their skins.

Smut scenes range between 2,500 words to 10,000 words per scene.

However there is a limit to how much one should describe!​
  • Good example of descriptive writing
    Laurell K Hamilton's early Anita Blake books. Her later books completely lost the plot.​
     
  • Bad example
    JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series. He was writing a travelogue and it shows. His Hobbit is much better, but still crammed with travelogue details.​
Male readers prefer the Characters and Action Scenes as lovingly detailed as the Silver Screen.​

They want to see the participants and players in full technicolor in their imaginations; skin tones, hair color, eye color, the exact softness of skin, fragrances fair and foul, descriptions of body types, and exactly how a bosom fits in the character's palm. 

They like the messy details too; the slap of skin and the squelch of wet flesh, musky damp scents, and the taste of sweaty skin.

Location changes, scenery changes, fight scenes and other daring-do scenes should also be as detailed as a movie scene.

The emotional aspects can be skipped almost entirely -- unless Revenge is involved. Apparently Hate, Rage, Anger, and Frustration are allowable emotions for the main protagonist to wallow in. 

Love and affection are emotions they succumb to -- after fighting long and hard against them.

Everything else can be somewhat vague, including the smut.

Average Smut scene: 500 to 1000 words.

If you want to detail out the smut to 5000 words or more, your male readers will definitely enjoy it, but a couple paragraphs of a rough outline of what happened works too. This is because males like to add in their own little details and dialogue while they're fapping to smut.​
  • Good Example of descriptive writing male readers appreciate: Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series.​
  • Bad Example: Ian Fleming's James Bond series. Each female lead and all the action is lovingly detailed, but the smut scenes are barely a paragraph in length and described very poorly. I was so disappointed.​
     
     

How much Smut...?

 
This depends on the type of story one is writing.

However...! Before we go into detail about how much Smut each type of story generally has, my definition of Smut needs to be addressed.

To many writers, Smut = Sex. My definition is a lot more broad. 
 
As far as I'm concerned, Smut is anything sexual at all; from smoldering eye contact, to a squeeze of the butt cheek, to full on intercourse. I do however, define a Smut Scene as a scene were sex happens. Okay?

Okay. 
 
Now...​ 
 

How much Smut
should go in each type of Smut Story?
 

Erotica:
  • Smut Scenes: One per 5000 (5k) words.​
  • How Smutty: Extremely detailed.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Yes, please! Limited to what is legal to publish. Generally no scat, no bestiality, no watersports.​
​Euphemistic language to start with, increasingly hardcore adult language until the peak of climax for best effect. C-word used sparingly and only as a compliment. F-bombs perfectly okay.​

Erotic tension begins with the opening line of the story and every word of description should add to that tension. The moment the two main characters make eye contact Lust smolders into being and every word after that should be erotically charged until the very last line.

Keep in mind, most Erotica is short; 5000 (5k) words to 20,000 (20k) words at most. It is agonizingly difficult to keep up the sexual tension beyond 20k without changing participants. It CAN be done, but it is not easy.
WARNING! Female readers Do Not like reading stories where the main character changes partners. Females consider that Cheating -- unless the story ends in a threesome relationship with all three participants sleeping with each other.​


Adult Pulp Fiction/Erotic Romance:
  • Smut Scenes: Eight to fifteen per 100,000 (100k) words.​
  • How Smutty: Hardcore detailed.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Limited to what is legal to publish. No scat, no bestiality, no watersports.​
​Common language with increasingly hardcore adult language during moments of Danger. Also during rising sexual tension until the peak of climax. C-word used only as a compliment. F-bombs perfectly okay.​

Because these stories are in fact cross-genres of Adventure and Romance, it is much easier to keep the erotic tension going between exclusive partners by balancing it with danger and suspense. 
 
Think in terms of a roller-coaster ride with the high peaks being Smut, the deep drops being Danger, and the sharps curves being Suspense.


Romances:
  • Smut Scenes: Three to five per 100,000 (100k) words.​
  • How Smutty: Detailed enough to know who is doing what, but through rose-colored glasses.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Only what is acceptable by housewives and high school girls. (Mild bondage, no pain!)​
​Romantic and euphemistic language with only mildly coarse adult language during moments of danger. Also during rising sexual tension until the peak of climax. F-bombs only while in extreme danger and at the peak of climax. C-word is right out.​

Be sure to detail the internal dialogue and emotional angst of your POV character.

Best written from ONE POV only! 
(Especially if the writer is a Beginner.)​

The idea is to keep the readers guessing as to how the Romantic Interest really feels. Using the Romantic Interest's POV even once removes all romantic suspense and gives away the Ending! This is BAD because once the readers know how the story will end, they no longer have a reason to keep reading your story.


Bodice Ripper / Harem story
  • Smut Scenes: Some kind of smut content from mild to hardcore every chapter.​
  • How Smutty: Hardcore detailed. Change targets every 50,000 (50k) words with a new location and a new plot twist to give you a fresh excuse to have smut.​
  • Fetishes or kinks: Limited to what is legal to publish. No scat, no bestiality, no watersports.​
Common language with increasingly hardcore adult language during moments of danger. Also during rising sexual tension until the peak of climax. C-word okay. F-bombs okay.​
WARNING! Make sure you know your Reading Audience! 
American female readers Do Not respond well to smut-shaming scenes and may get vicious about them.​


Oddly enough, the Bodice Ripper/Harem Tale is a cross-genre of Adventure and Erotica. Keeping the erotic tension is done by changing partners plus moments danger and suspense. In fact, the easiest way is by changing partners during moments of danger and suspense.

Just don't completely abandon the previous partners, especially if they've married the harem master! Doing that will create a plot hole your readers will crucify you for in the comments.

To avoid that sort of problem, give each successive partner their own individual problem the main character needs to assist them with. That partner's story concludes when the problem is fixed and the main character moves on, leaving a happy and thoroughly satisfied ex-partner behind.

The light novel series Vampire Hunter D uses this formula for each individual book.​
Everywhere he goes, D meets a new partner with a vampire problem. Once he fixes their problems and kills the local vampire, he leaves them behind happy and satisfied.​

In Conclusion...​

So, how do smut writers write their smut?
-- With loving descriptions and careful attention to detail.

How smutty should the smut be?
-- Enough to actually get one's target reading audience tight and tingly in their britches.

Where should one put the smut, so it won't obstruct the actual plot?
-- Where it belongs; as an important mover and shaker of the plot all by itself.

I hope this proves helpful.

Sunday, August 22, 2021

The Erotic Thesaurus

 

Art by Luis Royo

The First and Original
Erotic Thesaurus
 
When you need just the right words to describe the Pleasure.
 
Appetite -
craving, demand, gluttony, greed, hunger, inclination, insatiable, longing, lust, passion, ravenousness, relish, taste, thirst, urge, voracity, weakness, willingness, yearning, ardor, dedication, desire, devotion, enthusiasm, excitement, fervor, horny, intensity, keenness, wholeheartedness, zeal, 

Arouse -
agitate, awaken, electrify, enliven, excite, entice, foment, goad, incite, inflame, instigate, kindle, provoke, rally, rouse, spark, stimulate, stir, thrill, waken, warm, whet, attract, charm, coax, fire up, fuel, heat up, lure, produce, stir up, tantalize, tease, tempt, thrum, torment, wind up, work up,

Assault -
attack, advancing, aggressive, assailing, charging, incursion, inundated, invasion, offensive, onset, onslaught, overwhelmed, ruinous, tempestuous, strike, violation, ambush, assail, barrage, bombard, bombardment, crackdown, wound,

Beautiful -

 

admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, bewitching, charming, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, exquisite, fascinating, gorgeous, graceful, grand, magnificent, marvelous, pleasing, radiant, ravishing, resplendent, splendid, stunning, sublime, attractive, beguiling, captivating, enchanting, engaging, enthralling, eye-catching, fetching, fine, fine-looking, good-looking, handsome, inviting, lovely, mesmeric, mesmerizing, pretty, rakish, refined, striking, tantalizing, tempting,

Brutal -


atrocious, barbarous, bloodthirsty, callous, cruel, feral, ferocious, hard, harsh, heartless, inhuman, merciless, murderous, pitiless, remorseless, rough, rude, ruthless, savage, severe, terrible, unmerciful, vicious, bestial, brute, brutish, cold-blooded, fierce, gory, nasty, rancorous, sadistic, uncompromising, unfeeling, unforgiving, unpitying, violent, wild,

Burly -



able-bodied, athletic, beefy, big, brawny, broad-shouldered, bulky, dense, enormous, great, hard, hardy, hearty, heavily built, heavy, hefty, huge, husky, immense, large, massive, muscular, mighty, outsized, oversized, powerful, powerfully built, prodigious, robust, solid, stalwart, stocky, stout, strapping, strong, strongly built, sturdy, thick, thickset, tough, well-built, well-developed

Carnal -

animalistic, bodily, impure, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, libidinous, licentious, lustful, physical, prurient, salacious, sensuous, voluptuous, vulgar, wanton, , coarse, crude, dirty, raunchy, rough, unclean, 

 

Dangerous -
alarming, critical, fatal, formidable, impending, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, perilous, precarious, pressing, serious, terrible, threatening, treacherous, urgent, vulnerable, wicked, acute, damaging, deadly, death-defying, deathly, destructive, detrimental, explosive, grave, harmful, hazardous, injurious, lethal, life-threatening, noxious, poisonous, risky, severe, terrifying, toxic, unsafe, unstable, venomous,

Dark -
atrocious, corrupt, forbidding, foul, infernal, midnight, morbid, ominous, sinful, sinister, somber, threatening, twilight, vile, wicked, abject, alarming, appalling, baleful, bizarre, bleak, bloodcurdling, boding evil, chilling, cold, condemned, creepy, damned, daunting, demented, desolate, dire, dismal, disturbing, doomed, dour, dread, dreary, dusk, eerie, fear, fearsome, frightening, ghastly, ghostly, ghoulish, gloom, gloomy, grave, grim, grisly, gruesome, hair-raising, haunted, hideous, hopeless, horrendous, horrible, horrid, horrific, horrifying, horror, ill-fated, ill-omened, ill-starred, inauspicious, inhospitable, looming, lost, macabre, malice, malignant, menacing, murky, mysterious, night, panic, pessimistic, petrifying, scary, shadows, shadowy, shade, shady, shocking, soul-destroying, sour, spine-chilling, spine-tingling, strange, terrifying, uncanny, unearthly, unlucky, unnatural, unnerving, weird, wretched,

Delicious -
enticing, exquisite, luscious, lush, rich, savory, sweet, tasty, tempting, appetizing, delectable, flavorsome, full of flavor, juicy, lip-smacking, mouth-watering, piquant, relish, ripe, salty, spicy, scrummy, scrumptious, succulent, tangy, tart, tasty, yummy, zesty, 

Ecstasy -
delectation, delirium, elation, euphoria, fervor, frenzy, joy, rapture, transport, bliss, excitement, happiness, heaven, high, paradise, rhapsody, thrill, blissful, delighted, elated, extremely happy, in raptures (of delight), in seventh heaven, jubilant, on cloud nine, overexcited, overjoyed, rapturous, thrilled, 

Ecstatic -
delirious, enraptured, euphoric, fervent, frenzied, joyous, transported, wild,

Erotic -

amatory, amorous, aphrodisiac, carnal, earthy, erogenous, fervid, filthy, hot, impassioned, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, raw, romantic, rousing, salacious, seductive, sensual, sexual, spicy, steamy, stimulating, suggestive, titillating, voluptuous, tantalizing, 


Gasp -
catch of breath, choke, gulp, heave, inhale, pant, puff, snort, wheeze, huff, rasp, sharp intake of air, short of breath, struggle for breath, swallow, winded, 

Heated -
ardent, avid, excited, fervent, fervid, fierce, fiery, frenzied, furious, impassioned, intense, passionate, raging, scalding, scorched, stormy, tempestuous, vehement, violent, ablaze, aflame, all-consuming, blazing, blistering, burning, crazed, explosive, febrile, feverish, fired up, flaming, flushed, frantic, hot, hot-blooded, impatient, incensed, maddening, obsessed, possessed, randy, searing, sizzling, smoldering, sweltering, torrid, turbulent, volatile, worked up, zealous, 

Hunger -
appetite, ache, craving, gluttony, greed, longing, lust, mania, mouth-watering, ravenous, voracious, want, yearning, thirst, 

Hungry -
avid, carnivorous, covetous, craving, eager, greedy, hungered, rapacious, ravenous, starved, unsatisfied, voracious, avaricious, desirous, famished, grasping, insatiable, keen, longing, predatory, ravening, starving, thirsty, wanting, 

Intense -
forceful, severe, passionate, acute, agonizing, ardent, anxious, biting, bitter, burning, close, consuming, cutting, deep, eager, earnest, excessive, exquisite, extreme, fervent, fervid, fierce, forcible, great, harsh, impassioned, keen, marked, piercing, powerful, profound, severe, sharp, strong, vehement, violent, vivid, vigorous, 

Liquid -
damp, cream, creamy, dripping, ichorous, juicy, moist, luscious, melted, moist, pulpy, sappy, soaking, solvent, sopping, succulent, viscous, wet / aqueous, broth, elixir, extract, flux, juice, liquor, nectar, sap, sauce, secretion, solution, vitae, awash, moisture, boggy, dewy, drenched, drip, drop, droplet, drowning, flood, flooded, flowing, fountain, jewel, leaky, milky, overflowing, saturated, slick, slippery, soaked, sodden, soggy, stream, swamp, tear, teardrop, torrent, waterlogged, watery, weeping,

Lithe -
agile, lean, pliant, slight, spare, sinewy, slender, supple, deft, fit, flexible, lanky, leggy, limber, lissom, lissome, nimble, sinuous, skinny, sleek, slender, slim, svelte, trim, thin, willowy, wiry

Moving -
(exciting,) affecting, affective, arousing, awakening, breathless, dynamic, eloquent, emotional, emotive, expressive, fecund, far-out, felt in gut, grabbed by, gripping, heartbreaking, heartrending, impelling, impressive, inspirational, meaningful, mind-bending, mind-blowing, motivating, persuasive, poignant, propelling, provoking, quickening, rallying, rousing, significant, stimulating, simulative, stirring, stunning, touching, awe-inspiring, energizing, exhilarating, fascinating, heart pounding, heart stopping, inspiring, riveting, thrilling, 

Need -
compulsion, demand, desperate, devoir, extremity, impatient longing, must, urge, urgency / desire, appetite, avid, burn, craving, eagerness, fascination, greed, hunger, insatiable, longing, lust, taste, thirst, voracious, want, yearning, ache, addiction, aspiration, desire, fever, fixation, hankering, hope, impulse, inclination, infatuation, itch, obsession, passion, pining, wish, yen, 

Pain -
ache, afflict, affliction, agony, agonize, anguish, bite, burn, chafe, distress, fever, grief, hurt, inflame, laceration, misery, pang, punish, sting, suffering, tenderness, throb, throe, torment, torture, smart, 

Painful -
aching, agonizing, arduous, awful, biting, burning, caustic, dire, distressing, dreadful, excruciating, extreme, grievous, inflamed, piercing, raw, sensitive, severe, sharp, tender, terrible, throbbing, tormenting, angry, bleeding, bloody, bruised, cutting, hurting, injured, irritated, prickly, skinned, smarting, sore, stinging, unbearable, uncomfortable, upsetting, wounded, 

Perverted -
aberrant, abnormal, corrupt, debased, debauched, defiling, depraved, deviant, monstrous, tainted, twisted, vicious, warped, wicked, abhorrent, base, decadent, degenerate, degrading, dirty, disgusting, dissipated, dissolute, distasteful, hedonistic, immodest, immoral, indecent, indulgent, licentious, nasty, profligate, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, shameful, shameless, sickening, sinful, smutty, sordid, unscrupulous, vile, 

Pleasur-
able -
charming, gratifying, luscious, satisfying, savory, agreeable, delicious, delightful, enjoyable, nice, pleasant, pleasing, soothing, succulent, 

Pleasure -
bliss, delight, gluttony, gratification, relish, satisfaction, thrill, adventure, amusement, buzz, contentment, delight, desire, ecstasy, enjoyment, excitement, fun, happiness, harmony, heaven, joy, kick, liking, paradise, seventh heaven, 

Rapacious-

avaricious, ferocious, furious, greedy, predatory, ravening, ravenous, savage, voracious, aggressive, gluttonous, grasping, insatiable, marauding, plundering, 


Rapture -
bliss, ecstasy, elation, exaltation, glory, gratification, passion, pleasure, floating, unbridled joy, 

Rigid -
adamant, austere, definite, determined, exact, firm, hard, rigorous, solid, stern, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding, concrete, fixed, harsh, immovable, inflexible, obstinate, resolute, resolved, severe, steadfast, steady, stiff, strong, strict, stubborn, taut, tense, tight, tough, unbending, unchangeable, unwavering,

Sudden -
abrupt, accelerated, acute, fast, flashing, fleeting, hasty, headlong, hurried, immediate, impetuous, impulsive, quick, quickening, rapid, rash, rushing, swift, brash, brisk, brusque, instant, instantaneous, out of the blue, reckless, rushed, sharp, spontaneous, urgent, without warning, 

Thrust -

(forward) advance, drive, forge, impetus, impulsion, lunge, momentum, onslaught, poke, pressure, prod, propulsion, punch, push, shove, power, proceed, progress, propel,

(push hard) assail, assault, attack, bear down, buck, drive, force, heave, impale, impel, jab, lunge, plunge, press, pound, prod, ram, shove, stab, transfix, urge, bang, burrow, cram, gouge, jam, pierce, punch, slam, spear, spike, stick,  


Thunder-struck -
amazed, astonished, aghast, astounded, awestruck, confounded, dazed, dazed, dismayed, overwhelmed, shocked, staggered, startled, stunned, gob-smacked, bewildered, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, horrified, incredulous, surprised, taken aback, 

Torment -
agony, anguish, hurt, misery, pain, punishment, suffering, afflict, angst, conflict, distress, grief, heartache, misfortune, nightmare, persecute, plague, sorrow, strife, tease, test, trial, tribulation, torture, turmoil, vex, woe, 

Touch -
(physical) - blow, brush, caress, collide, come together, contact, converge, crash, cuddle, embrace, feel, feel up, finger, fondle, frisk, glance, glide, graze, grope, handle, hit, hug, impact, join, junction, kiss, lick, line, manipulate, march, massage, meet, nudge, palm, partake, pat, paw, peck, pet, pinch, probe, push, reach, rub, scratch, skim, slide, smooth, strike, stroke, suck, sweep, tag, tap, taste, thumb, tickle, tip, touching, toy, bite, bump, burrow, buss, bury, circle, claw, clean, clutch, cover, creep, crush, cup, curl, delve, dig, drag, draw, ease, edge, fiddle with, flick, flit, fumble, grind, grip, grub, hold, huddle, knead, lap, lave, lay a hand on, maneuver, manhandle, mash, mold, muzzle, neck, nestle, nibble, nip, nuzzle, outline, play, polish, press, pull, rasp, ravish, ream, rim, run, scoop, scrabble, scrape, scrub, shave, shift, shunt, skate, slip, slither, smack, snake, snuggle, soothe, spank, splay, spread, squeeze, stretch, swipe, tangle, tease, thump, tongue, trace, trail, tunnel twiddle, twirl, twist, tug, work, wrap

(mental) - communicate, examine, inspect, perception, scrutinize,


Wet -





bathe, bleed, burst, cascade, course, cover, cream, damp, dampen, deluge, dip, douse, drench, dribble, drip, drizzle, drool, drop, drown, dunk, erupt, flood, flow, gush, immerse, issue, jet, leach, leak, moisten, ooze, overflow, permeate, plunge, pour, rain, rinse, run, salivate, saturate, secrete, seep, shower, shoot, slaver, slobber, slop, slosh, sluice, spill, soak, souse, spew, spit, splash, splatter, spout, spray, sprinkle, spurt, squirt, steep, stream, submerge, surge, swab, swamp, swill, swim, trickle, wash, water,
Wicked -
abominable, amoral, atrocious, awful, base, barbarous, dangerous, debased, depraved, distressing, dreadful, evil, fearful, fiendish, fierce, foul, heartless, hazardous, heinous, immoral, indecent, intense, mean, nasty, naughty, nefarious, offensive, profane, scandalous, severe, shameful, shameless, sinful, terrible, unholy, vicious, vile, villainous, wayward, bad, criminal, cruel, deplorable, despicable, devious, ill-intentioned, impious, impish, iniquitous, irreverent, loathsome, Machiavellian, mad, malevolent, malicious, merciless, mischievous, monstrous, perverse, ruthless, spiteful, uncaring, unkind, unscrupulous, vindictive, virulent, wretched, 

Writhe -
agonize, bend, jerk, recoil, lurch, plunge, slither, squirm, struggle, suffer, thrash, thresh, twist, wiggle, wriggle, angle, arc, bow, buck, coil, contort, convulse, curl, curve, fidget, fight, flex, go into spasm, grind, heave, jiggle, jolt, kick, rear, reel, ripple, resist, roll, lash, lash out, screw up, shake, shift, slide, spasm, stir, strain, stretch, surge, swell, swivel, thrust, turn violently, tussle, twitch, undulate, warp, worm, wrench, wrestle, yank, 

Copyright 2021

Monday, March 29, 2021

Just say NO to Author Intrusion

 

Just say NO to
Author Intrusion:

Also known as:
Breaking the Fourth Wall.

The Fourth Wall is the Audience.

Every time the Author addresses their story's audience --their Readers-- during the story, they are violating the fourth dimension, or wall, of that story's Reality. Those violations are known as: Author Intrusions.

Author Intrusions show up as little comments that express the author's personal feelings on what's happening in their story, or heavily hint at things to come.

Author Intrusions are a Bad Idea.

Author Intrusions jar the Reader out of the mental movie they've generated while reading because the Author keeps rudely shoving them out of the story to remind them that They know something the Reader doesn't.

Compare it to watching a movie you haven't seen before with a friend that won't shut up about how cool the next scene is. 

 

See this shit? This is Author Intrusion. 

Identifying Author Intrusions:

The most common form of Author Intrusion is when the writer plants overly-obvious hints of things to come addressed directly to the Reader.

Examples:

  • In hindsight, he would be thankful for his overreaction.
  • Unfortunately, his choices had truly never been his own.
  • If only they'd realized how wrong they were.

These are normally found at the end of a chapter, or book, but I've also seen them posted smack in the middle of a scene in progress. 

  • They had no idea what consequences their choice would bring.

I have been told that these particular intrusions are meant to be a form of Foreshadowing.

This shit is NOT Foreshadowing.

True Foreshadowing symbolically hints at things to come. It Does Not point-blank TELL the Reader that something is coming.

I have also been told that this form of Author Intrusion is supposed to create suspense and entice the Reader to read the next installment.

This shit does NOT create Suspense either.

The truth is, this sort of cheap-assed teaser-spoiler Does Not add suspense because it entirely Removes the surprise factor of what is coming.

Suspense is about Anticipation. It's about waiting for 'the other shoe to fall'. When an author point-blank announces that there's another shoe, all that lovely anticipation is halved because the Reader now knows for a fact that this shoe WILL fall -- that something IS going to happen.

THINK: How can anyone be surprised if they're already expecting a surprise?

If you want to create Suspense, don't TELL the Reader outright that something is going to happen. Instead, SHOW IT by planting Clues; the butcher knife was missing from the kitchen drawer, and give Hints through ominous Sounds, creeping Shadows, character Body Language, and stilted Dialogue that something is going to happen. 

 

Authors:
Keep Your Opinions to Yourself!

The next most common form of Author Intrusion happens when the writer just can't keep their personal comments about certain characters, or what's happening in their story to themselves.

This is particularly virulent in fan-fics written by new writers who get over-excited about what they're writing.

Cut that shit out!

Literally, cut all that shit Out of your work.

Us readers do not want anyone interrupting our stories with their opinions, feelings, or comments about the story we're reading. That includes comments from the Author. Save that crap for the Author Notes.

However...  

"Lines like those (in my fan fiction anyway) are actually meant as red flags; a sort of, "Hey, pay attention, I'm doing something over here!" This is because, in the...years I've been writing fan fiction, I've noticed that the majority of 'new readers' (i.e. those new to fan fiction,) will not pay attention [to what they're reading] and will inundate me with questions that are easily answered if they did. With lines like those thrown in, the questions are fewer and I don't have to waste time explaining things that don't need explanations."

-- Annoyed FF Writer

While all that might sound like a good excuse -- it really Isn't.

When the author inserts comments about a character or situation happening right there in the middle of the story just to make it easier for lazy-assed readers to figure out what's going on, those comments are nothing more than Spoilers for the rest of us. 

Spoiling the Story for Lazy-Assed Readers
is a
BAD IDEA.

While some readers love to be babied like that, the rest of us readers don't. The rest of us are paying close attention and we love ferreting out the author's little hints exposed by the plot's progression and character reveals. We are reading specifically to discover what the heck is going on. 

Spoilers strip all the suspense and discovery --the most enjoyable parts of the story-- right out.

I don't know about you, but once all the surprises are gone from a story, I have no reason to keep reading that story.

Fixing Spoilers

If the Reader doesn't get what happened and the information to set them straight IS NOT actually present in the story, then yeah, the Writer messed up.

To fix this, they should REWRITE and REPOST the Relevant Chapter ASAP! NOT answer their reader's query with any comment beyond, "Oh crap! Let me fix that real quick!"

If the Reader doesn't get what happened and the information to set them straight IS actually present in the story, meaning; the Reader simply missed it the first time around, then the Reader messed up -- not the Writer.

When this happens, the Writer should answer their query by politely telling that reader to Read the Chapter Again a little more carefully. NOT by giving them Spoilers!

Seriously, professional authors don't cater to that crap, neither should fan-fic writers.

The only thing catering to lazy-assed readers does is encourage those readers to bug other writers for spoilers -- and us other writers don't appreciate it.

 

As for Breaking the Fourth Wall... 

Or is he?

Deadpool:
Not actually Breaking the Fourth Wall.

He is Narrating his own story.   

Yes, Deadpool does address his audience throughout his comic books and movies. In his comics he even comments on the textboxes around him. 

Deadpool also freely admits that he's not exactly Sane.

However, addressing his readers, or watchers, or even his text boxes doesn't change the fact that Deadpool is The Point of View Character in both his comics and his movies. He's the one telling the tale. He's expected to comment on everything and everyone around him because that's what POV Characters do

Deadpool just happens to be narrating his story out loud to the voices, and text boxes, in his own head. That there happens to actually be an audience of readers and movie watchers is entirely incidental.

Now if Stan Lee; the main author of Marvel Comics, popped into Deadpool's story, that would be Author Intrusion-- 

Oh, wait... He did.

A...tasteful example of Author Intrusion. 
 AKA: The Cameo.

Narration is Not Author Intrusion

The Narrator is The Point of View Character observing --and commenting on-- their part of the tale. If done Right, what is narrated is colored by that POV Character's thoughts, opinions, and comments about what is happening around them. 

Breaking the 4th Wall?
Nope, just 1st Person POV.
 

Narration is not Author Intrusion because the author isn't telling the story, the POV Character is.

Deadpool, in both the comics and in his movies, uses First Person Point of View Narration. First Person POV can look like the character is Breaking the Fourth Wall, but they really aren't because Narration is supposed to address the audience. Think in terms of diary entries, or in Deadpool's case, a massive Selfie Video.

The only time Narration should ever be colored by the author's opinions is in a Self-Insert story where the author is the POV character-- 

 -- or in a Fairy Tale. 

Fairy Tales were originally told Orally. They were spoken and acted out by a storyteller directly to their audience. The storyteller's opinions of what was happening were part of the act, rather like the Master of Ceremony for a play. When these tales were eventually written down by collectors, such as the Brothers Grimm, they wrote them in the oral style --author intrusions included-- simply because that's how they were told to the collectors.

Later writers, such as Hans Christian Anderson, wanted their tales to be labelled Fairy Tales, so they used this oral style specifically so their stories would blend in with the much older collected Grimm's stories.

However, if the story is not a Fairy Tale-- 

Don't Interrupt Your Readers!

Written stories are viewed in the imagination like a movie. So when the author pops in a comment to make their personal opinions known, it throws the reader out of the movie they're watching in their imaginations because someone is talking to them.

"But the whole story is the author's opinion!"

Exactly! A writers has their whole story to express their personal opinions, so there is absolutely No Need for the author to interrupt their readers with additional comments on anything at all during the story.

If a writer absolutely positively must comment on what's happening in their story, an Author Note is where that shit belongs --or their personal blog, or whatever social media floats their boat-- nowhere else.

Author Intrusions:

--If you're Not writing a Fairy Tale--

Don't Do It.

Unless you're Stan Lee.
(He can intrude wherever he likes.)

 

Morgan Hawke
morganhawke.com