Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Writing Realistic Emotions -- The Dark Side

Once upon a time, I had a great deal of trouble writing Emotions. Luckily, I found a writer friend who was very skilled in doing just that. After months of begging, she wrote me this tutorial on how to evoke the Darker Emotions in Fiction. 

Writing Realistic Emotions in Fiction
The Dark Side
by Kita the Spaz
Posted With Permission

When writing fiction (or for that matter, non-fiction) emotions carry the story. But if they come across as too flat or two-dimensional to the reader, the tale you are trying to tell loses something in the translation. 

How many of you have read something that just flat-out tells how things go, without keeping your interest or the characters holding your sympathy, pity, or in some cases, loathing? 

When a story reads like that, you’re just as likely to put the book down, or navigate away from the page, and not pick it up again.

When expressing an emotion, it is necessary to take into account the whole package. 

Don’t just say: 
Jason was furious, even while she apologized.
That tells the reader almost nothing about what Jason is feeling right now. Strong emotions have physical presence too. If you are angry, your heartbeat speeds and there are other purely physical reactions. 

Better to say: 
Jason was furious. His skin prickled with the heat of his anger and his hands clenched into fists so tight his joints ached. His heartbeat throbbed in his ears with a dull roar that muted her apologetic words.

You see? With that description, the reader feels what Jason is going through. It makes for a more exciting read that way, and offers an in into the reactions and feelings of the character. As a writer, you have to take into account the physical presence of emotions.

I’m going to take you on a quick tour of several emotions, and the physical reactions that go with them. How they feel, how your body reacts, hell, even how they taste, sometimes.

We’ll start with the one used in our example.


The Encarta Dictionary gives the definition of anger as:
An*ger (noun) (1) Displeasure. A strong feeling of grievance and displeasure. (2) (verb) To become or make greatly annoyed.

Somehow, that doesn’t even really begin to cover it. From mild annoyance to full fledged rage, anger is a very powerful emotion. It can fuel a revolution, or push someone past the breaking point.

It’s often said that you are so angry that ‘you can’t see straight.’ There’s some truth to that.

As your anger builds your heart beats faster, providing for the thundering of your heart and the stinging, tingling sensation under your skin as blood is forced through capillaries by your accelerated heartbeat. Blood rushes to the brain, causing a distortion in perception. This also occurs around the eyes, swelling the tiny capillaries in the eyelids, causing you to ‘see red’ as the saying goes. A headache is also common when that angry, caused by the stress of the moment and the increased blood flow. Often you want to hit something, so your arm muscles will bunch, adding to the feel of tension in your limbs.

All in all, a very clinical and dry description of a powerhouse of emotion, isn’t it?

Don’t be too clinical with your descriptions, though. Rather than describing the muscles bunching and the prickling of blood vessels, describe it in a way you feel it.

Jason turned away from her apology, trying to relax fingers that had been so tightly curled they throbbed. His shoulders were tight, tension radiating across and down his back. His skin felt hot as he gulped air in a desperate attempt to calm himself.

Unfortunately, anger can all too easily lead one of the darkest of human emotions—Hate.


Encarta gives the definition for hate as:
Hate (noun) (1) a feeling of intense hostility toward somebody or something. (2) (verb) to dislike someone or something intensely, often in a way that evokes feelings of anger, hostility, or animosity.

A rather tame way to describe it, don’t you think?

Hate is possibly the most telling of all emotions. Hate can make a good man do the most evil, gruesome things and turn love sour as vinegar. Hate can blind you more than anger, more than fear. It can push you to do things you would never do in your own darkest imaginings Hate revels in it, and for a moment, you do too. In such intense emotion there is a freedom that is addictive, sweet and as deadly as poison.

Something in him snapped as he saw him there, laughing amid the Mardi Gras crowd. Laughing, mocking the pain that burned in every breath he took, in every pulse of his heart. The world narrowed everything but him and that monster fading into a red haze. He wasn’t aware of his feet pounding the cobblestone pavement or the frightened shrieks as people dove out of his way. All he could hear was the harsh rasp of his own breathing and the derisive laughter of the bastard who had stolen his whole world with a few careless words.

The bottle in his hand smashed against a post as he ran, beer foaming and glass shards flying. The sting of glass splinters cutting his face only served to make the black fury welling up from deep inside him stronger and more lethal. For a second, he saw those hateful, laughing eyes cloud with realization and then terror. The dark heart of him laughed gleefully as his arm plunged forward, burying the remains of the beer bottle in warm flesh. Up under the sternum, reveling in the feel of blood spilling hot over his hand and the fading horror in those damned mocking eyes as his life drained away.

And often, when hate goes, what remains is despair and emptiness.


Encarta gives the definition for despair as:
De*spair (noun) A profound feeling that there is no hope.

Again, a dim view through clouded glass at what the emotion really entails.

Despair is that feeling that nothing can ever be right again, that nothing that you knew would ever be the way is was before. It’s an aching void in the pit of your stomach that nothing can fill, not food nor drink. Despair is desolation worse than anything you might have ever felt before.

I’m going to continue with our pervious example, the man who just murdered another in the midst of a Mardi Gras celebration.

He felt his knees hit the cobblestones, but distantly. He was still trapped in those dying eyes and all the rage bled from him, like the blood pouring from the belly of the man in front of him. He saw his own hands covered in blood and his stomach gave a weak lurch, but he felt it only vaguely. The world seemed trapped in amber, a slow-motion reel that didn’t make sense.
He had killed a man. He had done something unforgivable, something that had shattered everything even more than those careless words that had ripped his own world away. He didn’t even struggle as he was hauled to his feet by ungentle hands, because nothing mattered anymore. Not one damned thing. He could only laugh weakly as he stared at his own bloodstained hands.

That leads us neatly into our next emotion, a brother to despair, Remorse.


Encarta gives the definition for remorse as:
Re*morse (noun) a strong feeling of guilt and regret.

That’s not actually a bad definition, but let’s dig a little deeper.

Remorse is regret, yes, to put it in the very simplest of terms. It's that moment when you know, deep down inside, that if you had done something just the slightest bit different; things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.

It feels like a weight on your chest, crushing your ribs until they bend and creak and you can barely breathe. It's almost a physical pain, because deep down, you know that you could have changed it. Knowing that you had the power in your grasp to make thing come out differently, and you didn't use it.

He stood there for a moment, numb and shaken, thinking that if he had just stretched out a hand; just said one word, that this would not have happened. His breath came short and his eyes stung and burned with the tears he could not shed in public. The pitiful body on the pavement, like a puppet with its strings cut, blood pooling under tangled limbs, was a wordless accusation. If he had just been able to reach him, the teenager would not be lying there, broken beyond all repair. His fingers trembled as if to reach out, to bridge that gap that was now insurmountable. All it would have taken was one word, one single word in the right place and this could have been avoided.

And remorse brings us around to Guilt.


Encarta gives the definition for guilt as:
Guilt (noun) An awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret.

One of Encarta’s better definitions, actually.

Most everyone has felt guilty at one time or another, even if it’s just a lingering guilt for forgetting a date. But guilt has the potential to be a crushing weight. Like remorse, it can make it hard to even breathe because you know that what happened is something you did. You didn't react fast enough, didn't see it coming, but know that you should have.

Hindsight's twenty-twenty, but in the heat of the moment, you're blind. You always think that if you could have been just a little bit faster, a little bit smarter, you could have seen it coming. Whether it was screaming angrily at someone, just before they walked out the door and into a fatal situation or it was a simple as knowing that you are to blame for the anger that clouded their vision, guilt is the heaviest of burdens to bear.

It can weigh on you more heavily than anything else. It never goes away. They can tell you again and again, that it wasn't your fault that there was nothing you could have done. But you won't believe them, because you know that if you had just been understanding, that it wouldn't have happened, that they would have seen the other car run the red light or the truck as they stepped onto the crosswalk.

As he knelt beside the simple stone the lilies in his hand weighed more than they had any right to. He reached out with shaking fingers to trace the sculpted letters of his lover’s name, feeling the edges that time had not yet blunted. Silently, he whispered a prayer to whatever gods might be listening.
His small group of friend had told him time and again that he was killing himself over something that wasn’t his doing -- that he wasn’t to blame for what one moment of inattention had brought, but he knew better.
It was eating at him like a canker; slowly sapping away his health and strength, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He could only hope that when he finally succumbed to the cancerous guilt wearing him away bit by bit, that his lover would forgive him.

Next up is Envy and her evil twin, Jealousy.


Encarta gives the definition for envy as:
En*vy (noun) (1) The resentful or unhappy feeling of wanting somebody else’s success, good fortune, qualities or possessions. (2) (verb) to desire something possessed by someone else.

A better description, but still, barely half the story.

All of us have probably envied someone at some point in our lives, be it a movie star or that kid in homeroom who always seemed to get straight A’s without even studying. You know what I mean.

You can study all day and still only make B’s and they make it look effortless. It lodges in the back of your throat like a hard little stone, and you want to yell out, “I’m better than you, so how can you make it look so easy?

They have the acclaim that you want. You crave it, and need it with a passion that can border on obsession. They say envy leaves a bitter taste, and that’s not far from the truth. It’s like a bad hangover or acid reflux, bile searing the lining of your throat until you want to scream to be rid of it.

Envy burned in the back of his throat as he watched Rick glide across the floor with a grace he had once possessed, charming everyone with a smile. William looked down at his frail legs under the blanket that hid them and wished, not for the first time, that he’d never gotten into that car. His heart felt like it had climbed up into the back of his mouth and frozen there, a hard lump that made it difficult to even breathe. He felt sick when he caught himself thinking that it should have been Rick in the car that night.


Encarta gives the definition for jealousy as:
Jeal*ous-ee; ‘the act of being jealous’

~smirks~ Not very helpful there, were they, so we’ll go back to the root word jealous.

Jeal*ous (adjective) (1) envious; feeling bitter and unhappy because of another's advantages, possessions, or luck (2) suspicious of rivals; feeling suspicious about a rival's or competitor's influence, especially in regard to a loved one.

See? I told you envy and jealousy were evil twins.

Jealousy is only a short step away from envy and sometimes it’s hard to tell the two apart. Where envy is focused more on what the person has, jealousy is more about the person. You are jealous of the person, rather than what they have. Yes, you want what they have, but in here, the emotions are more focused on them.

It’s a greedy emotion, swallowing up rational thinking in a haze of ‘how can they have that (or him, or her) while I have nothing?’

Envy breeds jealousy and in its wake you are left in a morass of guilt and the horrible feeling that you have touched something unpleasant, and you will never get the stink off of you.

William watched Rick accept Marie’s hand and the two of them twirl out to the center of the dance floor, graceful as a pair of swans on the water. So, Rick had not only taken what he had, but the woman he loved also. He paled and the heart in his throat dropped down to the bottom of his stomach with a thud as he realized that he wanted nothing more than to take from Rick all he had. His skin crawled and he felt slimy. When had he become such a monster?

Dark emotions in their own right and in a way as powerful as anger and hate, but jealousy and envy are slyer. They creep in around your defenses and thrive in all the dark places of a human heart. And even when you think you have banished them, they are still lingering in the shadows of your psyche, just waiting for the chance to sink greedy claws into your heart, and breed more hatred.

Scary, isn’t it? So let’s talk Fear.


Encarta gives the definition for fear as:
Fear (noun) (1) feeling of anxiety-an unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger (2) Frightening thought; an idea, thought, or other entity that causes feelings of fear.

There are many levels and degrees of fear though, so let’s take a look at some of them.

There’s the guilty, giddy sort of fear triggered by a horror movie or a carnival haunted house. The same kind of fear you get staying out too late, knowing you will be in trouble when you get home. It’s the sort of fear that leaves you laughing when the so-called danger has passed.

In other words, once the thrill ride is over or the credits start to roll.

At that moment, it was scary, but when it’s gone, so is the fear, leaving you breathless and exhilarated.

Tim and Corie tumbled out the doors of the haunted mansion, breathless and unable to stop laughing. They leaned against each other for support, legs trembling.

All creatures have a fight or flight response to fear. It triggers a burst of adrenaline and endorphins, the better to run away or fight for your life with. That’s what leaves you giddy and laughing in a situation like that, where the reaction has no outlet.

Real fear, such as; fear for your life, is a bit different.

When you are well and truly scared, your heart pounds and you feel almost dizzy with the fear and adrenalin pouring through your blood. That’s your body’s way of telling you, ‘This is dangerous. Get away.’ It makes your breath catch in your throat and your muscles tremble with the need to run or fight back. Your palms sweat and the small hairs on your body stand up. It’s a very visceral emotion, one of the most primitive and thus one of the most dangerous.

A frightened man can be pushed beyond the extremes of body and strength; can do what no other emotion can push him to.

Often when you are that scared, the higher, thinking portion of your brain shuts down and the world around you can only be glimpsed in a disjointed series of images; some clear as glass and others blurred out of recognition.

He could see them all around him, dark figures with no distinguishable faces, only the bright gleam of moonlight on metal. His skin crawled at the sight of so many weapons and there was a bitter coppery taste flooding his mouth. The leader grinned, a flash of bone-white against a dark shadow and suddenly they were on him. Terror spiked through him like the first sting of steel tearing through the flesh of his arm.

The fight degenerated into a disorganized jumble of images, only one, or two standing out with stark clarity. His blood roared in his ears, only pierced when someone screamed, the thin, high shriek of a dying rabbit. Suddenly, he saw an opening and snatching at his friend’s wrist, he bulled for it, blind to the bright agony of the weapons lashing out and biting into his flesh.

There’s another sort of fear too, the fear of being alone.


Encarta gives the definition for loneliness as:
Lone*li*ness (noun) as without companionship or support from other people, feeling sad and isolated.

It's being isolated from things emotionally, too.

You've heard the phrase "alone in a crowded room"? It’s a mix of frustration, need, and anger with a liberal helping of sadness thrown in for good measure. You don’t want to be alone, you don’t want to be detached from everyone else, but you are.

It's easy to be alone in a crowded room when you are disconnected from the crowd swirling and crashing around you, like waves around a pillar of stone.

Leon felt like he was trapped in a glass case; able to see and hear, but not able to touch. He stood at the edges of the crowd, adrift on a wash of voices babbling in so many languages that it made no more sense than the shush of waves. The few things he could understand only served to make him feel more isolated. He wanted to be part of the conversations eddying out there, but he was as out of place as a fish on dry land.

In Conclusion:
All of these emotions are the darker side, but they give you a good handle on how to use emotions in fiction. Don’t just describe the character as angry. Use the feelings and bodily reactions to draw the reader in; to make them so caught up in the way the character feels that they are hopelessly entranced in the story.

An emotion is a physical presence in a good story, as much a character as the main character and as necessary as a good plot.

Kita the Spaz
 -- Written by request from Morgan Hawke

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Should I get a Degree in Writing?

 "Should I get a Degree in Writing?"
----- Original Message -----
I've being toying with the idea of getting a degree in 'Creative Writing' recently and was wondering if this is a good idea or not?
 -- Wanna go Pro

If you want to write professionally, Don't Waste your Money on 
Creative Writing courses. 

What they teach you in those so-called Creative Writing classes is how to break rules, not how to USE them to write a story a publisher will accept. In addition, they may RUIN the instincts for storytelling you currently possess and destroy your ability to write publishable fiction.

Instead, take a few cheap writing courses on COPYWRITING because that is how published fiction (and non-fiction) is actually written.

If you don't plan on writing Professionally then knock your socks off and take as many Creative Writing courses as your bank account can handle. I hear they're a lot of fun. Just don't expect any publisher to ever accept your...results.

As an author of over 30 published titles, I can tell you from years of experience that:

1) You DON'T need a degree of any kind to write Fiction successfully.

What you need are Life Experiences to write from. You can't describe what you don't Know, so pack your back-pack and Go places, See things, and Do things. Join a Living History group or three. Learn how to; shoot a black-powder musket, ride a horse, belly-dance, wield a sword while wearing armor, spin wool, weave cloth, play a musical instrument, train dogs, speak a foreign language...etc. (I've done all of these.)

2) ANY fiction-writing course that isn't taught by a multi-published Fiction Author is a waste of your time and money.

You need to learn from those who actually DO IT, not from those who wish they could.

3) Realize and Accept that there is absolutely Nothing CREATIVE about writing for Money.

The Writing Guidelines posted by publishing houses are NOT Guidelines, they're absolute and unbreakable Rules. If you don't write what they want in the way they want it you WILL be Rejected --no matter how brilliant it is-- simply because it's Not what they asked for in their Guidelines.

"Is Writing Fiction
a good Profession?"

Not really. The pay sucks ass, especially if you are writing for a New York publisher. If you work for an ePublishing house the pay is better and far more frequent, but it's still not impressive.

For the Dirty Details: $Money Facts$: Ebooks & NY Print Publication

Just so you know, the ONLY ebook genre that actually makes good money these days is Erotic Romance (Women's Adult Pulp Fiction.)

"What sort of job opportunities
are there?"

Lots of people (read: Businesses,) are looking for good writers, but none of them are willing to pay a writer what they're actually worth because they all think Writing is EASY. (We all learned it in grammar school so it must be easy, right?)

For the Dirty Details: How Much Does a Copywriter Actually Make?

"If you have a degree in English and/or something writing orientated,
is it worth it?"

It's NOT, especially if you plan to write Fiction.

A degree in English will only teach you how to TEACH English -- not use it, and critique books in ways even the authors don't get. Unless you intend to make a living writing essays, teaching school, or as an editor correcting other people's fiction manuscripts, an English degree is a waste of your time and money.

"What are your thoughts on going to University to learn to Write professionally?"

If you want a degree Get One.

However...! Universities prepare you for Teaching, Research, and Business -- NOT fiction writing. Be prepared to spend a lot of money learning a ton of crap you will not only never use, but may possibly Damage the fiction-writing skills you've already developed. 

If you're bound and determined to take classes on writing, go to Fiction Writing Workshops. Those are usually hosted by published authors and you'll actually learn things that are useful to your writing like; plotting, character design, pacing, narrative tricks, and the grammar authors use.

For the Dirty Details: The Secret to Proper Paragraphing for Fiction. 

If you want to write professionally then simply WRITE and post where your work can be found. Hang out where the authors hang out and Pay Attention when they give advice. Read as many books on writing as you can get your hands on; but only those written by Published AUTHORS. Most importantly, Keep Writing until a publisher spots your work and offers you a contract.

That's what worked for me.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

How do I write a Novel that will SELL?

"How do I write a Novel
that will SELL?" 

You begin by learning how to write Fiction properly.

Fiction is Not written the same way one writes an essay, or journalism; how one is taught to write in school. Fiction uses a different sentence structure, (Action THEN Reaction,) a different style of paragraph division, (by Character -- not dialog,) and different grammar rules. (Adverbs and adjectives are OK! The word "as" is Not.)

Once you can do that then it gets HARD.

This article is NOT for those who do Creative Writing. It's strictly for those who intend to write for Profit; for a reading audience that will not pay for anything less than exactly what they wish to read.

"I've been writing for years, but I can't seem to get more than a few readers to buy my books."

Clearly, you're doing something Right, but just as clearly, you're not doing Enough right to widen your reader base. In other words, you're doing something Wrong.

However, instead of stopping to figure out what's isn't working in their stories, too many writers simply rewrite their story over, and over, and over... The same story with the same types of characters, in the same situations -- just in different arrangements.


Repeating yourself only increases the number of books that flop don't sell as well as you'd like.

The trick to fixing anything is to CHANGE something; a character's personality type, a character's personality issues, add a plot-reversal, add a plot-twist, cut out all the head-hopping, intensify the paranormal influences... If changing something doesn't work, change something Else. Still no good? Change something Else. Still not working? Keep changing things -- don't stop until you figure out what combination of elements Does work to make your stories popular with your readers.

"Is there an easier, faster way to figure out what my readers want in my stories?"

Actually, there is. 

Find it. Own it. Fix it.

Find the Problem.
The fastest way to find the problems in any story is by Asking the Readers. 
  • Write a blog post that point-blank Asks what your readers would like to see in their stories, and what they don't like seeing. Ask for Examples from books they've read -- including yours.

  • Do a poll with a list of thing you suspect might be problems and ask them: "What annoys you the Most?"  
Pay attention to what your Readers tell you!
Do your readers prefer: 
  • More Description? 
  • Hotter Action? 
  • Less Angst? 
  • More Drama? 
  • More Character Development? 
  • Less Character Introspection...?
  • Snarky comments?
  • Smart-assed, intelligent Villians?
  • Non-passive Heroines?
  • Non-abusive Heroes?
  • More Consensual bodice-ripping?
  • More man-on-man action?
  • Werewolves that act like Wolves not dogs?
  • Vampires that don't sparkle? 
  • Stories that are Less realistic?
  • Stories that are More realistic?
Once you know what they like, consider your own work. How much of what you write actually offers what your audience actually wants to read? How much of what they Don't like shows up in your stories?
    • If your readers like your Villain more than the story's Main Character -- you have a Problem. 
    • If your Romantic Hero is extremely popular, but your Romantic Heroine is an annoying bitch, or worse; a forgettable doormat -- you have a Problem.  
    • If your Secondary Characters are more entertaining than your main characters -- you have a Problem. 
    • If your story consists of 50% dialog, 40% character introspection, and only 10% is spent on Action scenes -- you have a Problem.
    • If your story has plenty of Action scenes, but the characters are little more than cardboard placeholders -- you have a Problem.
    • If your readers can guess the end of your story by the fourth chapter -- you have a Problem.

    Own the Problem.
    Accept that your sales are suffering because you're not giving enough readers what they want to read, and that your stories need to be adjusted to suit a wider reading audience.

    Next, make a Choice: 
    • I want to write what I enjoy more than I want money, so I'll just live with pleasing only a select few readers. (Go to: Option A)
    • I want to make a enough money to quit the day job, so I'll find a way to write what my readers want by adjusting it into something I can enjoy writing. (Go To: Option B
    Option A
    Continue writing your stories the way you normally do, and Stop Reading this Article because the following advice will probably piss you off. :)

    Option B: 
    Fix the Problem.
    If you want better sales, you'll need adjust your writing to entice a broader range of readers into buying your books. So, how do you do this?

    The fastest way to make any story popular is by discovering what elements the readers enjoy then adding them to your stories

    Just to be clear:
    I am NOT telling you to Copy other people's work...!
    I'm NOT saying that your vampires should suddenly start sparkling simply because the vampires in an ungodly popular book series has sparkling vampires. (THAT isn't what made that series popular, seriously!) I'm saying take those stories apart and note what that authors did Right -- and what they did Wrong.

    Examine each separate component; character types, plot devices, dialog styles, locations, personality issues featured, timing for dramatic scenes, how much angst was used, how often love scenes occur and how detailed they are... What worked? What didn't?

    Once you know what elements the readers like, adjust those elements into what you enjoy writing

    Compare Notes: 
    How many stories (movies are stories too!) use these highly popular elements?
    • A Wolverine-type romantic Hero? 
    • A Frodo-type nice-guy Hero? 
    • A smart-assed Captain Jack Sparrow-type of Anti-Hero?
    • A Princess Buttercup 'suffering behind her smile' style of romantic Heroine?
    • A Trinity-type kick-ass Heroine?
    • A smiling, psychopathic Moriarity-type Villain?
    • A 'Hero's Journey' adventure plot-line?
    • A 'Beauty and the Beast' romantic plot-line? 
    • A Great Escape scene?
    • A Plot Twist that changes everything you thought you knew about what was going on in the story? 
    • A Self-Sacrifice scene that allows a character to redeem themselves?
    • A Wedding at the End?
    • An Ironic Ending?
    What do You use in Your stories? 

    More to the point; what can you change, adjust, or remove altogether to make your stories suit a wider range of readers? 
    In Conclusion:
    Pay attention to what your Readers tell you then Use what they tell you to write a story they already Want to Read.
    THAT'S how you create books that will SELL.

    Morgan Hawke

    Monday, September 22, 2014

    The Difference between SHOWING & TELLING

    "Don't say 'the old lady screamed'.
    Bring her on and let her scream!"
    Mark Twain

    From an exercise...
    Angel bent over, groaning in pain. "Damn Buffy, why in the Hell did you do that?"

    The next thing she knew, he had his hands around her ankles and she was dangling over the edge of the railing.
    Oopsie ~ we’re TELLING! I can see why you did it - you would have had to have added a few paragraphs just to describe what happened, but Action is Showing, not Telling. MH
    -----Original Message-----
    I see that advice a lot, and the odd time I understand it, but not often enough, or how it’s actually done. How do you SHOW that scene above, not tell it? I get the two confused – to my addled brain sometimes showing seems to be telling…and vice versa. Not sure if you understand that, but you seem to get most of what I’ve thrown at you, so I leave that in your capable hands. Could you give us an idea of how it could look if shown, not told?

    -- Thanks!!! Sue* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The reason this was TELLING was the fact that she didn’t SHOW us step by step, how Buffy got into that position, she simply Told us that it had happened.

    When a writer is pressed for word-count and time, Telling happens. TELLING is perfectly okay in a repeated action, but its good manners to detail the action at least once so the reader has a nice clear picture in their mind of what that happening looks like.

    SHOWING is about Mind Pictures...

    When you write a story, you are making a MOVIE for the reader. Telling is when you plant a cue – rather than illustrating a scene.
    Angel bent over, groaning in pain. "Damn Buffy, why in the Hell did you do that?"

    The next thing she knew, (This is a cue!) he had his hands around her ankles and she was dangling over the edge of the railing.
    You have to GUESS how Angel went from being bent over and groaning in pain to dangling Buffy over the railing.

    If you have to GUESS
    how a Character did something
    – you’ve been TOLD, not Shown.

    Many writers don’t realize that they are writing CUES instead of Pictures, because that's what they see in a lot published mainstream books: CUES. "Monkey See - Monkey Do".

    "Well if they can do it - why is it Wrong?"

    A LOT of published authors get away with TELLING through Cues, because they are making up for it in some other way: Drama, Dialogue, Atmosphere, Science, Magic... Unfortunately a lot of new authors miss this.

    Case in point: Most Romances TELL – a Lot. They don't bother with detailed action of any kind. WHY? - Because Romances are not being read for their ACTION, they’re being read for their EMOTION, their Drama. Romances, as a rule, make up for their lack of Action with detailed emotional Drama– and the Emotional Drama in a Romance is Very detailed.

    On the flipside: Readers of Vampire Horror or Vampire Erotica won't touch a mainsteam Vampire Romance with a ten-foot pole - because there's too much Drama and no real Action in it.

    The Difference between

    Romance and Erotic Romance

    Erotic Romance is All SHOW and No TELL. You won't see pages and pages, and pages, of dramatic narrative in an Erotic Romance, because the Erotic Romance Reader won't put up with it.

    ACTION rules Erotic Romance – NOT Drama.

    Erotic Romances are being read for their Sexual ACTION more than anything else. The Emotions of love and angst have to be there, or it’s not a Romance – but the drama is not nearly as detailed as in a common ordinary Romance, because Drama bogs down the Action.

    This is why most Erotic Romances are also Adventure stories! Sexual Action needs other types of Action to balance out, or the Reader skips everything in between "to get to the good parts."

    A lot of successful mainstream Romance authors are floundering when they try to write Erotic Romance because adding hotter sex scenes to an ordinary Romance doesn't satisfy the Erotic Romance Reader who is accustomed to Detailed action-heavy sex scenes PLUS other action sequences to balance the story out.

    In Erotic Romance the real difference between Showing and Telling - is SALES or NO SALES.

    If the above scene had been SHOWN instead of Told, it might have looked something like this:
    Angel bent over, groaning in pain. "Damn Buffy, why in the Hell did you do that?"

    Buffy grinned and spoke in her sweetest voice. “Maybe because you deserved it?”

    Angel looked up with his eyes narrowed. “I deserved it?” His lip curled. “Is that so?” His entire body tensed, straining the seams of his jacket.

    She took a half-step back. Uh oh…
    Angel exploded from his crouch. In a rush of hard hot muscle, he barreled into her and bear-hugged her in an iron grip around the waist as though she’d been a football player on the opposing team. At full speed, he shoved her backwards toward the wall.

    Buffy’s heels skidded unpleasantly on the stone flags until the back of her knees hit the wall. She tipped backwards. “Oh shit!” She grabbed onto his coat’s lapels and stared into his face from less than a kiss away.

    Angel grinned, showing the curving length of his long fangs. “I deserved it huh?” He shoved.

    Buffy tipped back into open space, and squealed in surprised. She knew the fall wouldn’t kill her. She’d survived far worse, but God, it was embarrassing.

    With faster than human reflexes, Angel caught her around the ankles holding her dangling over the edge of the railing with her skirt slipping down toward her waist.

    Buffy groaned. She just knew his eyes were on her pink cotton panties. She just knew it.


    Morgan Hawke
    *Posted with Permission

    Reposted from older blog entry 'cuz blogspot crapped out on me. 

    Sunday, May 18, 2014

    Where do you put Character Flaws?

    -----Original Message -----
    Characters have to have flaws, but sometimes it's a bit hard to add those flaws in.
     -- Concerned About Characters
    First of all...
    What is a character Flaw?

    Well, a character's Flaw is a crack in their personality and/or talent. Something that both helps them AND harms them. Kind of the way true artists (and brilliant nerds) tend to also be serious flakes, and really socially awkward. 'K?

    Now then...

    Where do you Put a Character's Flaws?

    A character's greatest strength should appear in the first scene that character occupies. The character's Flaw makes its first appearance at the end of that scene -- but only a hint of it.

    Scene One: If the opening scene features the main character, I show that character In Action showing off their greatest strength. To close that scene I show a small portion of that same strength's crippling weakness, but without exposing that it's a weakness.
    In The Hobbit:
     -- Bilbo Baggins's greatest Flaw is that's he's 'nice' and 'polite'. In other words, he has Good Character. Not something one would generally think of as being a weakness.

    Scene Two: As the story progresses that strength (and their dependence on it,) devolves openly into a crippling weakness that nearly destroys what's most important to them. 
    In The Hobbit:
     -- Bilbo Baggins's  Good Character is what allows Gandalf and the dwarves to take advantage of his home to get a free dinner -- for 14 people!-- and take advantage of his person. He is quite literally managed into signing a contract to go on an Adventure he doesn't want, and in fact something Hobbits do not do. 
    Later in the story, Bilbo Baggins's Flaw of Good Character nearly gets him eaten by trolls because he's too polite to attack them.

    Scene Three: At the center of the story The Worst Thing That Could Possibly Happen occurs. The character becomes utterly helpless and sunk deep in depression. That weakness they'd originally depended on as their strength is what they must overcome to find a new source of strength to proceed.
    In The Hobbit:
     -- At the center of the story, Bilbo falls into a deep, dark pit. Faced with Gollum, who tells Bilbo point-blank that he intends to Eat Bilbo, Bilbo once again is too polite. He refuses to see Gollum as a the deadly threat he is, and bargains with Gollum, fully expecting the creature to keep his word and let him go should Bilbo win their little contest.
    Once Gollum reveals that he has no intention of honoring his word, what saves Bilbo isn't Bilbo's sword, but a single moment of Bad Character; Theft. Bilbo keeps a gold ring that he knows belongs to Gollum. This one act of Bad Character ends up being his salvation against Gollum because the ring is Magical.

    Scene Four: Validation; when the Flaw proves to be an actual strength.
    In The Hobbit:
    -- The ring that Bilbo stole allows Bilbo to save the dwarves when they're attacked by Spiders, then again when the dwarves are captured by the wood elves, then Bilbo himself when he is faced with a fire-breathing dragon, and so on and so forth... 
    By the end of the story, Bilbo has finally learned that Not being Polite has it's uses too, such as when demanding back all his belonging that had been stolen from his home during his long absence -- and actually getting them all back because everyone else is too polite to refuse him

    How to use this in Writing.

    Example: A Romance Story
    The Main Character's (MC) greatest strength is he's The Perfect Gentleman; he knows exactly the right thing to do and say no matter the circumstances. He's honest, trustworthy, and kind.

    The flaw that comes with this talent is that Everyone Knows exactly what kind of man he is. (It's not like he can hide it.)
    Scene One: MC interacts with 3 females; an office lady, his childhood playmate, and the girl he actually likes. To each of them he is The Perfect Gentleman; he says and does exactly the right thing each time.

    Scene Two: He becomes the guy to go to when their heart is broken because he always knows what to say to make a someone feel better. The guys envy him, and the girls adore him.
    During this time, he begins to court the girl he likes: flowers, gifts, dates... At the end of the scene, he finally gets up the courage to confess his love. She smiles and Refuses to take him seriously. Why? Because he ALWAYS says and does the right thing, no matter who they are; he treats Every girl the same way. She doesn't feel special; she doesn't feel loved.

    Scene Three: He continues to pursue her, and confess his feelings, but the more he talks, the less she believes him. Even worse, none of the girls believe that he's even capable of having feelings for only one girl -- after all, he's the Perfect Gentleman to everyone he meets.

    Scene Four: Deep in despair, he sees her one more time only this time he's unprepared and a total mess; his appearance has gone to crap from depression, he hasn't eaten, he hasn't slept. He weeps angry tears while shouting in anger that no one believes him. In short: He's not a gentleman at all. This time she believes him because for the first time she can see the man hiding under the mask of 'Perfect Gentleman'.

    The End